33 Washington, United States
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My self-summary
Like many hapless Californians, I was forced to emigrate from the Bear Republic during the Great Quinoa Famine of 2006 so I could save up and send desperately needed flax seed and Tibetan prayer flags back to my hippie commune. Since then I have been engaged in extending healthcare access to low income populations, a task which involves a lot more exposure to hilariously gross bodily fluids than a reasonable person would even accept as hypothetically possible. And now I have washed up on the shores of the Potomac after a rousing reverse anabasis.

Like most people, my favorite activity is sitting in a darkened room brushing the hair on my huge collection of Troll dolls while throwing stale bread out the window at any passersby who look happy. I have been advised to play this fact down on dating websites, so instead I will make the completely unsubstantiated claims that I bike around, zumba around, garden around, vegetarian mush cook around, volunteer around, church around.

Personality wise, I am not at all easy going, I am strung up and surprisingly irritable. Instead of trying new things, I prefer to stay in my cage pushing this lever that delivers painful electric shocks. My professional life has all the direction of a Paulie Shore movie, and not even a critically-acclaimed one like Biodome.
What I’m doing with my life
Doing everything that the warning signs say not to do...Not to feed after midnight and not to expose to water. I also work on the accordion because Urkel is my soul animal.
I’m really good at
Absorbing potentially lethal amounts of coffee, cream, sugar and kicking-butt 80s music from the environment and converting them to relatively harmless byproducts of pee, inane pop culture and decidedly non-popular cultural references, and as much song and dance as it takes to keep the peace.
The first things people usually notice about me
The tracking bracelet on my ankle that the state forces me to wear.

The cardboard cutout of Captain Jean Luc Picard that I take most places, although it's challenging as of late because he is on a paleo diet so finding a mutually agreeable restaurant is tough
Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
A heterogeneous mix of Eastern European literatures, the Spanish generation of '98 movement, nouvelle theologie and the ressourcement tradition, and I have to add instruction manuals because I've wasted so much flipping time trying to get this can opener to work.
Most recently that neurotribes book about autism because blah blah intersection whatever disability politics yadda yadda stuff I gripe about as a private citizen inordinately concerned about such matters.
Good Burger.
Any movie that involves someone from the wrong side of the tracks who dreams of escaping the 'hood through their passion for dance, preferably involving an unlikely forbidden romance with an uptown boy/girl (this may actually be the only sincere thing in this whole profile)
The only song I listen to is that song about cookies from "Troop Beverly Hills."
Anything you're not going to finish.
The six things I could never do without
The small bird with which I live in a symbiotic relationship that picks vegetable debris from my teeth
The box upon which is written "You cannot live without this box" which a wizened old stranger gave me on my 6th birthday.
A time machine with which to go back in time and stop myself from saying inane tripe like the aforementioned.
My spider sense.
My Neil Diamond lunchbox
I spend a lot of time thinking about
How maybe stars are salt on God's pretzel. And he's just waiting to eat us.

Also, the popular TV show Scrubs. So quirky!
On a typical Friday night I am
opaque, ductile, and with a boiling point of 127.3 centigrade.
The most private thing I’m willing to admit
Is that my ATM pin is 294929dfskfskfk!`. I got it from the financial institution of this homeless dude rifling through my garbage. I was attracted by his diversified portfolio of empty cans and hard liquor.

And on a real note, I never learned how to drive a car since like most folks I've never actually needed to use one. This apparently freaks people out here, so I'll throw that out.
You should message me if
You understand that though I resemble a Keebler elf, I do not have any more rooms full of cookies than the average person and still want to be my friend.
You are the keymaster, gatekeeper, or can just put in a good word for me with Zuul, maybe give him my band's demo tape.
You're the six fingered man who killed my father.