snarkybastard9
42 Chicago, United States
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snarkybastard9
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My self-summary
it's true - i'm kind of a snarky bastard. i lived in south korea for 3 years, which was swell.

lived in los angeles for the decade prior to that. it's a sunny place for shady people
What I’m doing with my life
rocking a 'don't blame me - i voted for bernie' shirt while nero prepares to burn rome to the ground
I’m really good at
using trigger words in safe spaces

refusing to sleep with women who wear ugg boots. or listen to mumford & sons

taking 'which sex and the city character are you' quizzes (i am SUCH a samantha)
The first things people usually notice about me
you mean - besides the resting bitch face??
Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
music:
lily allen, tegan & sara, sia, lorde, brian jonestown massacre, jack white, radiohead, ween, talking heads, david bowie, depeche mode, eminem, st. vincent, fiona apple & many other hysterical waifs

tv:
the colbert/john oliver/bill maher triumvirate, transparent, broad city, vice, masters of sex, better call saul, forensic files, charlie rose, frontline & anything involving nasa. oh - or DINOSAURS!

movies:
all things kubrick, woody allen, the andersons - wes & pt, darren aronofsky, danny boyle, hal ashby, christopher guest, david fincher, 'amelie,' 'city of god' & anything qualifying as a documentary

words:
almost exlusively non-fiction. i subscribe to vanity fair, have giant mancrushes on christopher hitchens & neil degrasse tyson and can present a compelling case that the 'autobiography of malcolm x' is the greatest book ever written

food:
i've eaten spiders in cambodia, but wouldn't eat a chicken mcnugget with a rifle to my head
The six things I could never do without
fun facts: the word 'vagina' comes from the latin meaning 'sword holder'

coffee. strong & black - like my men

watching self-appointed social justice warriors like melissa click and bonita tindle be destroyed by the politically correct fascist state they themselves demanded. be careful what you wish for, ladies!
I spend a lot of time thinking about
how a white woman lost the white women vote by double digit percentage points - to donald fucking trump

how much happier i would be if samantha bee had taken over the daily show

if the symptoms for 'religious' & 'schizophrenic' are the same, then...
On a typical Friday night I am
dancing around in my underwear to sia's 'chandelier'

why - what are YOU doing??
The most private thing I’m willing to admit
when people start chanting 'u.s.a! u.s.a!' - i'm so embarrassed i pretend i'm canadian
You should message me if
you are smart, funny & the right amount of the right kind of crazy

you are not religious - nor will you be afflicted with it in the future

you got the memo about the world not needing any more children

you are elizabeth warren
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