I call people "bro" unironically. I follow UFC and like hockey games; I suspect I may just be a fan of violence and gore. I don't like automatic headlights; I think they're presumptuous. I'll decide when I want my lights on, car.
I have been described as both having a "fuck you" sense of humor and being a "fuck you" pragmatist. Mostly I think this is a neat coincidence, especially given that they happened years apart.
I like meat and leather. I don't mind if you don't, but don't impose your morality on me.
I have questionable morals.
I'm not looking for a ~*~*partner in crime*~*~. I'm looking for the other half of a goofy, clever, kawaii, badass powercouple. This doesn't mean that you have to be some hella intimidating dude, just that I want us to make each other better, while still being cutesy af.
"I'd probably be a way better person if we'd never met."
-- Testimonies given on the same day by two separate people
I work in program management at an aerospace company.
I like to take pictures that look exactly the same, then post them like they're different.
You know what I'm not doing? Having fun. I hate having fun, I hate to laugh, and I'm not at all down-to-earth.
Sometimes I do Brazilian jiu-jitsu, sometimes I fence.
• Delivering cutting jokes with a disarming smile so that you're all confused because I said something mean but with such cheerfulness.
• Being easily spotted from afar/in a crowd due to hair brightness.
• Noun-creatin' via hyphenatin'.
• Irish goodbyes (minus any drunk driving, obvs).
• Karaoke with ever-important conviction.
• Considering phrasing semantics aloud.
• Casual and/or facetious hostility. (I have had this phrased as "banterous faux-contempt.")
• Eating the heels of bread. Once I made peace with this, I realized it meant I could have the pieces other people didn't want. More bread for me, suckers.
What I'm really bad at is whistling or snapping, because I can't do either. Also, brevity.
On multiple occasions, I have been described as "a redheaded valkyrie" so probably the descending upon the battlefield to select which slain warriors to bring to Odin in Valhalla so that we may drink mead and prepare for Ragnarök.
300, The Fifth Element, and Thank You For Smoking. Full Metal Jacket because it is definitely worth being quoted as much as it is. Mostly, I like movies about badassery.
Music: Hip-hop/electronic mashups. Also kinds of rock and other kinds of electronic music. Lots of songs make me really happy and while it's awesome if our tastes mesh, I don't mind if they don't. If you really care, though, there's this: http://www.hypem.com/soviette.
All of the shows you like and not any of those bullshit shows you don't. But actually: Community, Futurama, Game of Thrones, Archer, Bob's Burgers, The League, Brooklyn Nine-Nine, My Little Pony, and House of Cards (though S3 was p boring).
ALSO MY FAKE MOUSTACHE AND ESPECIALLY A PICTURE OF IT HA HA oh god no never.
Edit: Since the time I wrote the above I feel the ubiquity of fake moustache pictures has decreased significantly; however, I will maintain the line because I feel it represents a part of me~.
I am NOT thinking about how to survive a zombie apocalypse. You are not quirky for mentioning zombies. You are boring and uninspiredly bandwagoning.
How weird and awful it is that movie-quoting is accepted by so many people in place of actually being funny.
- Also, Overwatch.
- Netflix with housemates.
- At a lesbian club. Useful for my housemates, and I get to dance and not give a fuck.
- At some other bar with housemates, watching people try to score with each other and laughing at dudes who are clearly begrudgingly dancing only because the girl they're trying to bone wants to.
- Browsing /r/mechanicalkeyboards because I am super cool, you see.
Also, I hate hiking. But I have friends who hike, so it's totally okay, babe.
You don't think I'm intimidating, 'cause I swear I'm not.
You want to look at those gif recipes and make some with me (I don't cook so please be prepared to baby me through this).
You don't define yourself by where you moved to OC/LA from.
You have a delightful turn-of-phrase, and maybe a vaguely twisted sense of "delightful."
Appreciation of darker-styled ladies is a plus. Gothy qtness ok~.
You find neurotic, stream-of-consciousness-type ramblings endearing.
You are cool with LGBTQ-types to the point of non-issue. Many people close to me are those or poly/kinky and it's not A Thing.
A woman calling herself a feminist doesn't make you run away crying about misandry.
I don't want to "just find a nice guy who would rather stay in and play Scrabble with me than go out." Scrabble is the new cliché. I fucking hate Scrabble.