32 Boulder, United States
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My self-summary
Imma buff baby that can dance like a man

I can shake-a mah fanny I can shake-a mah can

I'm a tough tootin baby, I can puncha yo buns! Puncha yo buns, I can punch all yo buns!

If you're an evil witch, imma punch you for fun!

Lol free A-List. I can see your face!
What I’m doing with my life
Fire Dancing, generally swinging things around with style.

Constantly reconstructing my perspective on life, the universe, and everything.


Ha, no. You can't have too many silly hats. Ever.

Really. I have like, 9 silly hats. Nine.
I’m really good at
Everything, some of the time, 62% of the time. And spontaneous Mitch Hedberg quotes. And cards against humanity.
The first things people usually notice about me
I'm odd and extensibly sarcastic. And that I have a thing for misusing large words in a feeble attempt to sound refined as well as educated.
Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
Food: I like meat. Yummy, delicious, meaty meat. Meat from animals, I like to eat animals. Om nom nom animals. If you are vegan or vegetarian I hope this offends you.

Music: Unts with a side of whomp.

Books: I can't read or write.

Movies: I fucking love Twilight.
The six things I could never do without
Cup holders

Orange juice

Bullet pointed lists

Norse gods

Power adapters that take up too much space on a power strip

Fake enthusiasm for the geriatric
I spend a lot of time thinking about
If a jack on the rocks is $7, and a jack n coke is $5, can I order a jack n coke, hold the coke, and thusly save $2.00?
On a typical Friday night I am
Banging on things with sticks and politely inconveniencing my neighbor
The most private thing I’m willing to admit
I shadowcasted as Riff Raff at a showing of the Rocky Horror Picture Show. Which means I wore man panties and a bright gold space transvestite suit in front of about 50 people while I shot my girlfriend with a bubble gun.

Your move.
You should message me if
You want to make a friend who won't judge you for wearing your underpants on top of your overpants.