What I am looking for:
'Its not just the pain. Its more than that. The tension, before hand, watching a friend turn into something more threatening, intimidating, the growing discomfort, nervousness, even fear. The verbal interplay, the building of the fantasy that takes your mind from anything else. The resolution when they do finally make the move, pin you down, tie you up, pull you over their lap. The freedom from choices, the adrenaline of fear, the sexual pleasure if they fuck you, the endorphines if they hit you, the catharsis if they spit in your face and call you worthless and echoe the voices in your head. The human contact. The aftercare, even if its only a chat and a cuddle.'
Socially outgoing, relatively intelligent woman with a tendancy to 'make things happen' rather than wait for them to happen.
I like all the normal stuff, reading, cooking, gaming (pc and some tabletop) etc. Some of the not so normal stuff too. I don't have a lot of tolerance for bigots, idiots or Tories.
Fairly socially confident with a random shy streak that most people don't really notice. I like people and I like being around people but am content with my own company.
I love learning things and read a lot about random topics that take my interest although I am happiest when studying or on a course.
Very sexually liberal in a political as well as a practical sense.
And because I don't want to get missed in Keyword Searches, the username is indeed a reference to kink.
Also in the interest of disclosure, recently diagnosed with Fibromyalgia. I am not at my best at the moment and have limited energy.
But since a few people have said they find it helpful, here's a random list of things I like off the top of my head: Writers: Alex Garland, Oscar Wilde, Sarah Waters, Pat Califia, Nick Hornby, David Mitchell, Mitch Albom, Jeanette Winterson.
Books: Let the right one in, Wuthering Heights, Fried Green Tomatoes at the Whistle Stop Cafe, Immortal companion, Carrie, Written on the body.
TV: Les Revenants, The Walking Dead, Game of Thrones, various classic brit comedy. Not really a big tv watcher.
Games: Portal, Fallout 3, Silent Hill 2, Fable 2, Path of Exile.
Films: Bound, Beauty and the Beast, Velvet Goldmine, Moulin Rouge, various J horror.
Music: Too much of a mixed bag to really name a genre or type, here are some random things I have played on my iPod recently: Keane, Tori Amos, Placebo, Slipknot, The Cast of Wicked, The Wurzels, Holst, Faithless, Savage Garden.
There, do you know more about me now?
You are a guy with long hair or a girl with short hair. You can also be a guy with short hair or a girl with long hair to be fair but I do tend to get my head turned by tomboyish girls and guys who get asked if they play guitar a lot.
I know its not exactly what you might expect, given the whole bi/kinky/poly thing, but I actually find that dating sucks and sexual or romantic connections that develop from friendships work way better. The chances of two strangers who meet based on liking each others pictures and a set of facts about each other being genuinely compatible are pretty low, really. Besides, I tend to develop attraction to someone based on personality and am kind of over one off casual sex, so I would prefer to hear from people who are pretty relaxed about the whole dating thing and are happy to just get to know people and let things develop naturally. I absolutely refuse to sit through one more awkward dinner where both parties are trying to figure out if an easy lay is wanted or on the cards. Its not fun. I will meet people when there is a reason to, ie we have really enjoyed chatting and have discovered a mutual interest in weird art films and there happens to be a film festival on or something.
In addition, the slow burn is kind of more exciting. I am bored of tipsy making out after a first date at a pub. In fact I dont drink at all right now. Next time I get with someone, I want to be excited about them. I want them to be excited about me. I want to be physically and mentally attractive to someone and have spent time daydreaming about getting them alone before anything sexual happens. If you have read this, please if you message me can you include the in word vanilla in your message (extra points for creative usage). It really helps me filter cut and paste messages. Thanks.
Full disclosure: I am in a non monogamous relationship.
Please do not contact me if you have ever voted Ukip, or if you are anti-vaccination.