49Decatur, United States
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My self-summary
I'm first and foremost a smart aleck - it's congenital, and I've given up fighting against it. So if you're looking for someone who'll sit there demurely and not comment on the world's weirdnesses, don't look my way. However, I do promise to comment under my breath, so no one who's not sitting next to me has to hear it.
What I’m doing with my life
Currently, supervising middle school homework. I don't exactly have kids, but one of my nephews is living with me at present. Is it just senility setting in, or have they changed the names of all the subjects since I was in school? What the heck is "consolidated math"?
I’m really good at
Jigsaw puzzles, giving head scratches (to the dog), and knowing impressive yet mostly useless words. Like often do you get a chance to use that one in general conversation?
The first things people usually notice about me
I dunno. I get a lot of comments on my fabulous shoes, so perhaps that's the most noticeable thing about me. Or perhaps I just spend too much time around people with shoe obsessions.
Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
(a) ALL of them! I read constantly, and like almost every genre. Except porn, which is usually badly written and has incredibly dull dialogue - but can be unintentionally funny when read aloud in a fully-clothed group.
(b) Princess Bride and any James Bond movie
(c) Tom Lehrer rules! Other than that, this week it's The Ramones, Lavay Smith, and Tannahill Weavers
(d) Asparagus, good chocolate, real macaroni and cheese, and that maple-glazed pork tenderloin I make that is totally amazing (if I do say so myself).
Six things I could never do without
Why six? What's so special about six? And why do I have to define myself this way? That said, during baking season the list is pretty easy:

1) Butter - good quality unsalted only, please
2) Eggs
3) Unbleached flour
4) Sugar
5) Mexican vanilla extract; and
6) Parchment paper

The rest of the year the list consists mostly of office and organizational supplies. I have an odd fixation with indexing and color coding. At least it's a marketable form of OCD!
I spend a lot of time thinking about
Pierce Brosnan, chocolate, Pierce Brosnan dipped in chocolate, world peace, and whether that splash means the cat has fallen into the toilet again.
On a typical Friday night I am
Honestly? Laundry. However, admitting to that doesn't exactly make me seem like an interesting person so I'll try to make up something better. How about "Saving the whales while tutoring underprivileged children and engaging in competitive crossword puzzle solving"?
The most private thing I’m willing to admit
I have an inexplicable attraction to French cuffs. Some long-forgotten incident in my childhood apparently convinced me that French cuffs on a man are the sexiest thing ever. Really nice cufflinks give me chills.
You should message me if
You need your closets reorganized, you can deliver Pierce Brosnan to my home (with or without chocolate), you think you fathered my dog's puppies, or you have a strong opinion on whether argyle socks belong to the left of striped ones. And especially, if you can run a hand mixer while simultaneously removing a cat from the bowl of cookie dough. That's a lot harder than it looks, you know.
The two of us