46Washington, United States
Join today
Find great matches with our advanced matching system!
Join today
Find great matches with our advanced matching system!
My self-summary
I'm a sapiosexual heterosexual that is 75% Irish and 25% English, with an INTJ personality, 190 lbs, and almost 6 feet tall. I used to be exactly 6 feet tall but being trapped at the bottom of this gravity well for so long has compressed my spine slightly. I am very low maintenance. I speak Esperanto, the artificial language, fluently, and although there are only about 2 million speakers on this planet, it's still a very good language if you want to travel the world, since there are esperanto speakers in every country and many of them will let you stay with them. I'm also trying to learn lojban, the logical language, but it won't stick unless I find a way to use it in real life. Other hobbies/interests are tv, movies, downloading, reading (mostly sci-fi and fantasy and postmodern. I used to be a joycean scholar...) videogames (I'm hoping to find someone who will play multiplayer with me), music (My favorite band was neutral milk hotel, not sure what my favorite is now), chess (I am ranked at around 1400-1500, which is just medium skill), juggling (I can juggle 3-4 balls, 3-4 rings, and do the diablo, a giant yo-yo. My most impressive 3 ball juggling is the Mills Mass, where you cross and uncross your arms while juggling), primatology, origami (I can only make 3 things (ball, frog, bird), but I'd like to learn more), singularitarianism, sign language, spanish (I tried learning languages alone and failed so I'm hoping to meet someone who wants to learn a language so I can learn with them), yo-yoing (my best yoyo is a superyo typhoon yoyo), cooking, food science, and bagpiping (I took lessons for a year. I own a polycarbonite ocarina from It seems like the perfect instrument. It only cost $25 but is indestructible).

David Duchovny and I are both the same height and weight and we received the same exact score on our SATs, 1360, but his nose is bigger than mine and my belly is bigger than his... :) I have a BA in Literary and Cultural Studies from Carnegie Mellon University, where I was on the Dean's List every semester that I was an English major. I started out as a Physics/Computer Science major for 2 years, but it was not going well, so I switched to an english degree. I got halfway to my Master's degree in Library Science at Drexel before I was struck down by chronic pain and dropped out. I used to have 200 digits of pi memorized, but now only 30. I keep about 500 digits of pi on a small piece of paper in my wallet, just in case I get stuck on an elevator for many hours or something.
What I’m doing with my life
I have a low functioning autistic 10 year old daughter who I am mainly devoting my life to taking care of. I still have lots of free time, though, while she is at school and on weekends.

I am reading Dangerous Offspring (Fourlands #3) by Steph Swainston, The Thing Itself by Adam Roberts, The Bees by Laline Paull, Consider the Lobster and Other Essays by David Foster Wallace, and Lord of Chaos (The Wheel of Time #6) by Robert Jordan. I read 1 book on the pc, 1 on the toilet, and 3 on the kindle.

I have 9 steam games installed: AI War (80) with all 6 expansions, Battlezone 98 Redux (75), Dawn of War 1 Dark Crusade (87), Dawn of War 2 Retribution (80), Homeworld Remastered Collection (86), Mark of the Ninja (91), Monday Night Combat (80), Supreme Commander Forged Alliance (81) and World of Goo (90).
I am also playing Skyrim Legendary Edition (94) and Loco Roco 2 on PPSSPP.

I have many chronic pains that started 20 years ago that the doctors can't diagnose (I hope it's not fibromyalgia) and am slowly healing from a mysterious foot injury from 10 years ago that is healing preternaturally slowly. I have chronic arm pain, so I don't like to type that much. I use Sxem or Sxemo as my name because sxem means shem in esperanto, one of the youngest languages, and shem means name in hebrew, one of the oldest languages. It is also the name of the main character in Finnegans Wake by James Joyce that I identify with. Also sXe m means straight edge male, and I do try to avoid drugs. Sxem also stands for south by east male, and I was raised in southeast pa, and have moved further south on the east coast to Washington, DC. Also, I like emo music. Also, it looks like sex, mmm... :-). Also the jewish informal name for god is Ha-Shem (The Name), which is kind of funny, which also connects to the other name I use, Skymonkey, which is a funny name for angels (and it's an Oz reference, sounds like a starship pilot, which is a fun thing to be, and it's fun to say. Also, sxem skymonkey has sxemsky in it, which sounds Polish, and I grew up thinking I was Polish until I found out in my early 20s that my biological father left when I was 2 years old). And it's a unique name that no one else usually has, yet only 4-5 letters. It's easy to type and you can call me sx for short, a unique combo of 2 letters close to eachother on a qwerty keyboard! Was that too many reasons for my name? :)

I've been trying my whole life to come up with a genius idea for my first novel, and once I have that, to spend many years crafting a sprawling 1000 page masterpiece, but so far every idea I've had has seemed like a dud. I keep reading about a book every week or 2, and looking for inspiration. My current best idea for a novel is a story about the horrors of overpopulation. Aliens visit the Earth and have a standard policy of wiping out any species that has been breeding so out of control that they are destroying the planet. Planets able to support life are too rare, and any species that out of control could easily use up all the life supporting planets in the galaxy in just a few hundred thousand years. I want to write it in a postmodern style that makes it unclear whether it is sci fi or maybe the main character is schizophrenic.

I am hoping my body will continue to let me work enough to survive, part time as a temp or anything equally easy. If you make under 10 grand, you don't pay taxes, which makes me feel better about having to participate in the evil, planet-destroying, soul-killing capitalism thing. I would love to go back and finish my Master's in Library Science and become a librarian before libraries become extinct. Libraries seem like the least evil corporation to me. I only need to work 10 days a month to survive on my own, or 2 days a month if someone was letting me live with them and I just had to pay for my food and whatnots. I just don't work when I have a bad pain flareup. I would easily be able to do a work at home phone job, like tutoring high school kids or doing tech support or something like that. I could use a headset while reclining in my recliner. But I can't find a job like that. I am hoping to ideally find a woman who would eventually be willing to let me move in, at least on weekends.

I can do at least 1-4 hours of chores per day, like cooking and cleaning. I'm very good with numbers and spending money wisely and proofreading and editing. I am also very good with children and much cheaper than daycare. I grew up as the 2nd oldest of 10 kids, so I did a lot of babysitting while growing up, and have had a lot of experience since with children. I know being a house husband is a lot more socially acceptable now, but it still seems like the vast majority of humans believe only women should be allowed to survive without working as a wage slave under capitalism. There's a big double standard there. So I doubt I will find anyone that wants me for a house husband, but you never know. Maybe my dream can come true... :) Some women spend more than I would need to survive on their dogs, and surely I am more useful than dogs. :) Anyway, hopefully, I'll find at least a friendship with a woman who's not into head games, and will let me joke about any topic, and be as weird as I want to be: someone who I don't have to censor myself around. The most important thing to me in a relationship is good conversation.

- Dan
I’m really good at
dry humor
The first things people usually notice about me
I have no idea. No one's told me. Maybe my inability to censor what comes out of my mouth. People have historically told me that I "think too much."

Also, I have heard people say "TMI" to me way too many times...
Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
My favorite author used to be James Joyce and was most recently greg egan, then vinge for awhile. Now I guess it is David Wallace. My favorite book is Infinite Jest by David Wallace. I bought it for $12 on amazon. 1104 pages, 2.5 lbs, and such a densely packed sprawling masterpiece it can be reread, which I usually never do. I have a list of other 1000 page books I want to read on goodreads. I only have time to read 2000 books in my whole life before I die of old age, and I've already read 1000 of them by age 40, so I have to carefully pick the last 1000 books I have time to read before I die.

One of my favorite tv shows right now is The Big Bang Theory. It's always been my fantasy to have a circle of extremely nerdy friends, but it only happened in college for a few years. I like Game of Thrones, Louie, Modern Family, The Simpsons, Robot Chicken, The Last Man on Earth, and plenty of other tv shows I can't think of off the top of my head. I watch a lot of tv and movies while simultaneously reading a book that i scroll at the bottom of the screen.

My favorite music is hard to say, since it changes all the time. I sometimes go to allmusic or to find new music to listen to. My favorite band is neutral milk hotel. I guess my favorite music would mostly be mashups, scratch, rock and dance, with as much experimental as I can stand. I want experimental music to be my favorite, but it's too much work to listen to too much. Lately I've been listening to lots of scratch music. When I sort my mp3s alphabetically, it seems like half of them start out with 'dj'. I also have way too many mashups on my hard drive. I love to multitask, so when I discovered that you can listen to 2 or more songs at the same time, and they are masterfully blended into eachother, I was ecstatic. I have some software for making mashups but I've so far been too lazy to teach myself how to do it. I am tempted to list the top 50 artists out of the 200 gig of music I have on my hard drive right now, but I don't want to seem too hyperfocused. If I do that, then shouldn't I also list the top 50 tv shows I watch? Where does it end? Well, I will pick out a bunch that I'm into right now. The Akira Soundtrack, The All American Rejects, Angels And Airwaves, Art of Noise, The DJ Hero soundtrack, DJ Jeremy Mashups & Remixes, DJ Lobsterdust, DJ Rectangle, Don Caballero, E-603, Fatboy Slim, Girl Talk, Jon Spencer Blues Explosion, MIA, Modest Mouse, Negativland, Neutral Milk Hotel, Nine Inch Nails, OK Go, Pavement, Pedro the Lion, Red House Painters, Scratch Perverts, Snow Patrol, Speaky, Tenacious D, UNKLE, Wheatus.

My favorite foods are shrimp, bacon, ham, chocolate mint ice cream and maraschino cherries.

I don't really have any favorite movies. I watch movies all the time, but usually I pay more attention to the book I'm reading in the background. Big budget Sci fi eye candy and comedy are my favorite movie genres.

My favorite hair color is red. I wish I had red hair. I have some red facial hair. My beard has a bunch of colors that have appeared there naturally. I can apparently make many colors with my face. My favorite eye color is green. I wish my hazel eyes had more green in them. My favorite color is now purple. It used to be green. I go by what color I pick in videogames. I would say my favorite eye color is purple, but Ive never seen that in real life, so it doesnt seem real.

My favorite body type is BBW. For most of the 200,000 years of human history, BBWs were worshipped as fertility goddesses. They would carve little wooden BBWs called the Venus of Wallendorf and worship them. So I guess I'm old fashioned that way. :) It's just always seemed natural to me to see BBWs as being extra sexy and curvy and voluptuous.

My favorite word is monkey. I try to get people to work the word monkey into every conversation, but it never seems to work. My least favorite word is fart. I don't mind curse words, although I almost never use them myself, but I really can't stand this other f word. Even just writing it is disturbing.

Here is my list of 2000 books I want to read next (mostly sci fi with urban fantasy and some postmodern)
Six things I could never do without
I can't think of any interesting way to answer this. Too many people put food and water and shelter, which i think is a little too on the nose. I've seen some funny answers, but I just draw a blank. I guess my bare minimum luxuries would be a pc, dvds with a lifetime supply of books and games and video, my psp (I have a psp slim but I'd prefer a PSVita), my kindle, my tempurpedic memory foam rugged outdoor slippers, and I cant sleep without a 3 inch thick memory foam mattress overlay.
I spend a lot of time thinking about
sci fi novels I'd like to write
chimps and primates in general
fantasies and day dreams
books I'm reading or want to read next
videogames I'm playing or want to play next
On a typical Friday night I am
watching tv or movies while reading a downloaded book in the background and listening to music.

I don't get out much. I'm pretty much an indoorsy homebody. I'm not really interested in doing whatever most people do on Friday nights. That could easily change if I was with the right person or when I'm not in much pain.

I have a hard time performing social rituals for the umpteenth time, but I can be trained to do more social rituals.
The most private thing I’m willing to admit
I have no close friends... this seems like a very hostile, unfriendly planet. I have around 50 friends on facebook, mostly family with some high school and college friends and ex-gfs and a couple women I met here on okcupid. I have over 300 friends on steam. But I've been living in DC for 8 years and so far have not encountered any friendly humans in real life. I joined a bunch of groups, but they never seem to meet near enough to me.

I've never been in love. Between when I turned 18 and went to college, and when I hurt my foot, I had an average of 1 girlfriend per year, who usually dumped me after 1-3 months. There were a couple women that lasted as long as 1.5 years. But I've been celibate against my will for the past 8 years now. I've only gotten as far as a few telephone calls in the past 8 years.

I grew a gorilla belly during freshman year in college, when I got drunk on beer every weekend. Since then, I starved myself down to 140 pounds and still, there was a gorilla belly. So I gave up on ever having a flat stomach again. I maintain my weight at 170-200 by eating 1.5 meals a day. That's a half meal lunch around 3 hours after waking, and a full meal 7-8 hours before bed. Otherwise, I can't sleep due to hunger. This way I only feel hungry for half the day. It's easier to be hungry when I wake up for 3 hours because my body is in starvation mode. My weight goes up and down depending on how strict I am with this diet.

I have some symptoms of Asperger's syndrome.

Sometimes I cry a little during Gray's Anatomy. It's the one show that lets me easily access my emotions. I'm learning the Lojban attitudinals to get in better touch with my emotions. The attitudinals are 39 2-letter words for emotions and attitudes that can be combined to form millions of easily expressed emotions.

I'm a member of a group for introverts, and they have interesting, free events that happen nearby. Maybe we can meet up there some time. Recently, they met up at a free tmbg concert at a science and engineering festival in downtown dc, and I cdnt find anyone to go with.
You should message me if
you like weirdos that are slightly less homogenized than the rest of the humans you know.
The two of us