and this joke is lazy
but here's my profile
so contact me if should you feel so inclined.
If you've read one of these things you've read them all right? I'm nerdy. I'm quirky. I'm down to earth. As true as any of it may be it's been said to death. Instead here are some things that back up such claims without just beating you over the head with them.
See, I'm considerate.
I won't lie, I am a stickler for spelling and grammar. I'll refrain from correcting you, because I'm not a dick about it, but I do pay attention to things like that. If I send a text with a missed grammatical error or blatant miss-spelling, it drives me nuts.
I live my life by one basic tenet, don't be a dick.
Despite living near the beach almost my entire life, I can't swim and I can't say it bothers me.(I still love to kayak though.)
I rarely to never kill bugs. Mosquitoes being the exception
I'm a big sports fan but I'm not bad about it, in that I don't let it schedule my entire life. I root for the Red Sox, Bruins, Celtics, Steelers(my dad is originally from Eastern Ohio, so I'm legit) and UConn men's basketball(born and raised in CT).
I'm a big pop culture dork. If I hear a song I like be it in a movie, blasting from a car or just on the radio, I'm probably going to say something about it. Unexpectedly hearing something I like is one of my favorite pleasures in life.
Similar deal if I happen to see an actor/actress I dig in something I didn't realize they were in.
So, what am I looking for? Glad you (I) asked. Depending on when you see this I'm either 29 or 30 years-old and I'd say I'm pretty much over dating. It's fun to meet new people and all but, I'm done with all the guessing games, salesmanship and general bullshit that comes with dating around. Truth be told I've always preferred being in a committed relationship over dating. I don't know if I'm looking for someone for THE long haul but, certainly a long haul.
For more, follow me to the more specific sections.
Writing catchy four chord rock and roll songs.
Wheel of Fortune. Scary good. Pedro Martinez in his prime good.
Relating things to other things in a comical manner.
Being ignored at bars/on internet dating sites (seriously, HELLO *tap tap*. Is this fucking thing on? Everyone says they're looking for a funny, nice guy. Funny, nice guy right here.)
Books: Killing Yourself To Live, Assassination Vacation, The Partly Cloudy Patriot, Summer Of '49, 11/22/63, When The Game Was Ours, Bossypants
Movies: Ghostbusters, Wayne's World, Knocked Up, Chasing Amy, Slap Shot, Bridesmaids, Superbad, Anchorman
TV Shows: the Simpsons, the Office, Parks and Rec, 30 Rock, Daily Show, Colbert Report, Modern Family, Flight of the Conchords, New Girl, Jeopardy
Music: Nirvana, 311, the Beatles, Bob Marley, Mighty Mighty Bosstones, Local H, the Clash, Beck, Foo Fighters, Juliana Hatfield, Led Zeppelin, Sleeper Agent, Veruca Salt, Radiohead, Letters To Cleo, Supergrass, Sublime, the Beets, Zack Attack and so much more.
Food: Italian, BBQ and breakfast foods are my big three. I'm something of a chocolate fiend as well, to the point that I should probably be practicing hopping on one foot consistently.
Funny TV shows, movies or books
Active imagination(if the South Park "Imagination Land song" just popped in to your head, stop reading and message me)
Post-work sweat pants and Happy Feet slippers
Glasses, I'm so blind even my hindsight needs corrective lenses.
Why the majority of the girls I have a high match percentage with seem to reside in Boston or its surrounding areas.
How as we get older we suck the fun out of finding someone. So many silly overcomplicated rules and games that go in to trying to date someone. I long for the good old days of "do you like me? Check applicable box. Please choose only one."
If I quit my job and turned in to a complete asshat would I instantly become desirable?
Also I'm bad at first dates. In subsequent dates I find my groove and I'm awesome to be around but date number one? I'm nervous and fairly to super awkward. If you get through that I'm totally worth it. Like one of those deep tissue massages that hurt when you get them but the following days you feel the best you've felt in months.
Remember, you can't spell "awkward social anxiety" without "sexy award"
Your profile doesn't read too much like a Craig's List job ad.
You believe that introvert is the new "swag."
You despise the word "swag"
You can drop a Simpsons quote like a champion.
I viewed your profile and didn't message you but, when you read my profile it was apparent we would be compatible. I very well may be interested but didn't message you for reasons outlined in the "private thing..." section.
You view a relationship as something that's fun and to be enjoyed and don't treat being with someone like it's an obligation. If it was meant to be that way why the hell would we even be here?
If you value the size of man's heart over the size of his biceps or bank account.
If at any point in reading this you thought "this guy seems neat, I wonder what he's like beyond these talking points."
You don't believe antiquated gender roles should dictate who messages whom first.
You actually want to meet a nice, funny guy who knows how to treat a lady and aren't just looking to get treated like shit and taken for granted by another "bad boy" type
Because, in the words of Matthew McConaughey in Dazed and Confused "It'd be cool if you did"