34 Austin, United States
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My self-summary
tl;dr version: I am a special edition, and you had better hurry because supplies are extremely limited. Do not live with my parents. Have a job. Not in a band. Kinduva queer fatty, but aside from that basically awesome.

If you have read my profile READ IT AGAIN because I decided to do "Extreme Makeover: OKCupid Profile Edition." Over the past couple of years my profile has been basically like a Christmas tree where I hang new ideas or thoughts, but it had gotten so confusing that I don't think anyone ever read it.

My measure of accomplishment is simple: if I get to be on "Saturday Night Live" then I have succeeded in life.

My name is Gwen, as in James as in Jim as in "Hey You". This only makes sense when you understand that I consider myself a male lesbian (some people may consider this phrase offensive, sorry) and consider myself genderqueer. For a few years I made a full-on press to transition but I found out that (1) being a woman is hard and (2) there are plenty of other hard problems that need my attention! Since all gender discussions inevitably turn to the bathroom issue (just as all political debates eventually involve Hitler) , I use the mens room, thank you very much, but prefer the unisex/family br if that is ever an option.

I didn't shave today. No I will not grow a beard for you. First it is uncomfortable and I start getting all dysphoric and aaaaargh! Second, beards are a liability in hand-to-hand combat. Not that I engage in martial arts myself, just always gotta be prepared for dishonorable aikido zombies.

When I was a kid I wanted to be an astronaut. So I went to law school and worked as an intern in the legal department at NASA for a while. Then I quit trying to be a lawyer and became a technical writer and tech support guru. Now I want to be a Database Admin. At no point have I ever wanted to play hockey professionally (I have a phobia relating to ice).

Occasional insomniac and workaholic.
What I’m doing with my life
Being five minutes late to EVERYTHING.
I’m really good at
Interjecting inappropriate but mostly harmless comments.
The first things people usually notice about me
I don't know, and it probably depends on how I'm dressing.

I've been complimented on my eyes though.

I bear a striking resemblance to Jigglypuff.
Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
1.) Right now the OCA certification guide for Oracle 11g RDBMS is sort of my life.

2.) I started reading the book "A Game of Thrones" but haven't ever seen the show. Don't have HBO. I'm not really into the fantasy genre but I do take a stab at it from time to time.

3.) I like reading histories. I really started getting into "Glock: The Story of America's Gun." I do not own a Glock; I am more of a Sig Sauer fanboy/fangirl. But the adventures of everyone's favorite Austrian plastic gun maker makes for interesting reading.

4.) My big hobby is researching my family history. So there is a good chance you will see me with a phone book from 1947 trying to decipher who my great aunt's-husband's-sister's-father's-nieces neighbors were.

(So far I have found that the president I am most closely related to is William Henry Harrison, who gave one of the longest inaugural addresses but had the shortest tenure in office.)

1.) I am a science fiction fan. I am an obsessive fan of Doctor Who and Star Trek.

2.) I am also obsessively awaiting the return of Breaking Bad and (on Netflix) House of Cards. I was never a fan of The West Wing because, even as a liberal, I found Aaron Sorkin's politics to be sappy and stupid.

3.) I am a brony even though I have not seen every episode of My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic yet.

4.) I woke up at 2 in the morning yesterday to be the first on the block to see Season 4 of Arrested Development, but unfortunately I forgot to pack my laptop in my overnight bag. I've made a huge mistake...

5.) I do not like watching Fox News. I would rather lobotmize myself with a ballpoint pen than voluntarily turn on "Fox & Friends."

6.) If it's a Sunday in the fall, expect that I will be watching football. I am a Houston Texans fan!

1.) I listen to the radio a lot. Mostly NPR. My favorite show on NPR is "Radio Lab" and I also like "Tell Me More" (I usually catch the first five minutes as I start work at 10 a.m. and, as noted, am always about five minutes late).

2.) Wait, NPR isn't music. OK, here's a representative sample of songs I like or that make an impression on me:

* Robert Earl Keen, "Corpus Christi Bay." This is not REK's best song but is one that reminds me of some of my exploits in Galveston, where I grew up. Yes I am aware that Galveston is not on Corpus Christi Bay. Shut up.

* Regina Spektor, "Fidelity." This is just a beautiful song, OK? And RS does awesome live shows.

* Happy Mondays, "Wrote For Luck." I don't do hard drugs. Everytime I listen to this long I kinda wish I did.

* Cake, "Short Skirt/Long Jacket." This song best encapsulates what I am looking for in a girlfriend. And also myself.

* Alanis Morisette, "Ironic." It's been pointed out that nothing in this song is actually ironic, just tragic. True enough. I like it anyway.

* Ronnie James Dio, "Holy Diver." I can sing just like Dio when I'm drunk, it's pretty amazing.

3.) I am an amateur radio operator so sometimes I'd rather just listen to static (making out what other people are saying, or sending in morse code, is really an art).

4.) I don't play any musical instruments (I played the flute in middle school) and am not in a band, but sometimes I make up my own songs and post them on YouTube.

5.) Because I love hearing the sound of my own voice, karaoke!

1.) I like chili but I am not a traditionalist and put things like beans and corn and other vegetables and god-knows-what-else in it. I am really not a good Texan.

2.) I don't have any known food allergies, but I really don't like: anchovies, uncooked seafood generally (although I do eat some basic kinds of sushi), lutefisk (not because it's been marinated in lye but because it sounds too much like Ludicris). I will also not eat testicles or brains.

3.) My favorite vegetable is spinach. Also, onions. I *love* onions. (I have been advised by counsel not to put "ketchup" in my list of favorite vegetables.)

4.) My favorite non-vegetable is probably chicken. I also like fish and would someday like to be an aquaponics entrepreneur. I also like tofu in certain preparations.

5.) Crawfish boils are a divine experience.

6.) I prefer beer to wine, although I prefer relatively light and fruity options -- saissons, lagers, lambics, ciders. That isn't to say I won't try stouts, IPAs, etc. but I often times will have to kinda choke 'em down.

Movies and Theater
1.) It's very rare that I see a movie I don't like.

2.) Here are movies I like but that a lot of people hated:

* Star Trek: Into Darkness

* Moulin Rouge

* Gladiator (OK, it won an Oscar -- still a lot of critics hated it).

* Magic Mike

* Snakes on a Plane.

* Pacific Rim (OK, I don't think anyone hated it, but a lot of people didn't see it, which is shameful).

3.) I don't see theater shows a lot, but I tend to like musicals! I think the most recent one I saw was "Spamalot."

Other Activities
1.) I want to go painting!

2.) I want to try paddle boarding or kayaking!

3.) I like bicycles and mopeds (I have my moped endorsement!)

4.) Stargazing.

5.) 5K *walks*. I don't run. Even if I were in shape, my ankles and feet are kinda messed up (congenital flat-footedness).

6.) I am not exactly a shopaholic and can even be a little bit of a penny-pincher, but shopping from time to time.
The six things I could never do without
1. Something, anything pink or otherwise girly. Pink ankle socks? Yeah that works.

2. A plan.

3. Diet Coke

4. Razor cartridges!

5. Gasoline.

6. Internets
I spend a lot of time thinking about
1. Money, why I don't have any, and where I might be able to get some.

2. Politics. Oh yeah, I'm a Lie-beral Demon-rat and approve of the Bloodthirsty Communist Kenyan.

3. Football

4. Cuddling.
On a typical Friday night I am
Let's find out!
The most private thing I’m willing to admit
Seriously, did you read the profile?!

Uhh... I'm an Astros fan, even when they are 33-61 heading into the All-Star break? Does that count?

I'm actually pretty comfortable being single because it means that there is no one to tell me what to do or meddle with my well-laid (and by well-laid I mean sloppy, half-baked) plans.

I'm most definitely drug and disease free. I know this because I don't do drugs and because I am rarely active and because I get tested. But I posted my HIV negative (healthy) test result on Facebook so I guess that's not really private, is it?
You should message me if
"Life is short and you are hot."

I'm interested in being friends with everybody. I'm a bit more selective when it comes to dating; I am open to both genders but tend to favor dating women (cis or trans) right now.

Please message me if you have anything to say.

Please do not message me, however, if you are ax crazy. Of course I say that, haha, and you'll message me anyway. Because you're ax crazy.