theotherbastard
35San Francisco, United States
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theotherbastard
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My self-summary
I sound like Archer.

For a cis, het, brutal son of Rome I'm wildly anti-paradigm: marriage is retarded, having your own babies is unethical when your species has overshot, and oil's about to run out (who wants to shop for shotguns with meee?).

I spent my twenties as a player, waaaay out here with a closed heart. Now I want connection and love. Intimacy. All kinds of gay shit like that.
What I’m doing with my life
Training to become a world-class bartender at a trendy but shockingly legit craft cocktail bar and restaurant on 16th street. Still have the Caterer gut. Working. On. It.
I’m really good at
Not getting arrested, despite that I'm a chaos magnet. I just have an atomic clock in my head that plays "X Gonna Give It To Ya" when we should scoot. Lending stable affection, appreciation, and rational think-throughs to the ADHD and impulsive. Offering spontaneity to the stodgy. Emotional intelligence: I'm decent at the five-minute read.
The first things people usually notice about me
That my smile means I have a forward question.
Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
Books: Deep Green Resistance, the Vegetarian Myth, Lunar Park, Griftopia, Sex At Dawn, Blood Meridian.

Movies: Superbad. Spy Game. Pi. Waltz With Bashir.

Music: Think Queens of the Stone Age and Ladytron. And then Primus. They're beloved in this town.
Six things I could never do without
Women make life worth living, specifically libertines and other species of naked chicks. If "Y: The Last Man" happened in reverse and a plague killed all the ladies, I'd just start shooting cops and gangbangers until one of them took me out. What's the point, meat man.
I'd probably rack up a crazy high score, actually, but without girls to impress it never gets fun. I HATE this scenario I talked myself into.

Fights, romance, and lust for life (caterozied as one thing, called Dgaw, on account of testicles)

The empirical certainty that improvement is plausible in objective terms, and we needn't live our childhoods for the entirety of our lives.

How shall I put this? Snuggs.

If a woman likes to be read to, naked, that's a plus, I've decided. I can live without that, just, you know, not as long.
Oh, did I already say naked chicks? Shit.

Was that only 4? I've lived a longish life and worked my way into and out of plenty of awful ruts and traps. I need a good life to be happy, but I will survive grim lack.
I spend a lot of time thinking about
The nightmare I wake to. My friends mostly know me as a rock of cheerfulness, positivity, and certainty--that unstoppable paleo chaud (with the not terribly paleo gut)--but to me what's unstoppable is all the horrible shit happening around the clock to children, to women, to the planet. All the villains I can't reach. Happiness. Acceptance and rejection. Choice and action. The drowned and the saved.

What I've lost that I care about regaining. What I can maybe look forward to.
On a typical Friday night I am
Mischief with chaos friends or reason with order friends. I'm low on order friends this year.
The most private thing I’m willing to admit
Cohabitation's a little terrifying, isn't it? I'm warm, smart, caring and fun but otherwise a terrible roommate. I need space, like my own place forever sort of space, or I'll become irritable and indifferent like a poorly housed hamster, and believe me, so will you. If I ever fall in mutual love again, my ideal arrangement will be to live four doors down.

I don't do well in monogamy. Flakery, you call it, I know. I want to go deep and I want to fall in love, but I just have no respect for the idea of One Love. We didn't evolve for it and it doesn't work for 95% of people (looking at you, "serial monogamists"). Yes, you can be number one. No, you don't have to fuck my hilarious friends. Yes, I'm way too masculine. Yes, I'm very handsome.
You should message me if
Listen, I'll tell you a huge secret. If you message me you'll get a response. Probably even a first date. Even if I'm not into you, I'm a humane potential friend who'll meet up. And I'll tell you which is happening.

You're a little handful with some extra jiggle. I'm looking for a savvy, hilarious, problematic lady who's in love with the D but works too fucking much to try and have the perfect body, because guess whose life that is.

Or you find me fascinating/have become a superfan.
More
The two of us
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