36Los Angeles, United States
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My self-summary
Edit: as of 11/9, FFS, America. This is why we can't have nice things.

As a kid: I wanted to be a nuclear physicist. Of course, I somehow thought that involved piloting fighter jets, so I may not have had the clearest idea of what that entailed... besides science!

Now: I am not a fighter-pilot nuclear physicist. I have settled for the achievable dream of being an international superstar of stage and screen. Yes, the "safety school" of careers. Speaking of safety schools, while I do follow my passion for acting, I also do a lot of tutoring for college entrance exams. [insert "gotta pay the bills" cliché] Awesome.

I grew up in North Carolina, but not the banjo and racism area (it was a more defined area when I was growing up). I moved out to LA after college because [insert cliché about following your dream], and after a ridiculous and rocky start to that, have been loving it out here ever since. I have some absurd stories, but the most ridiculous would probably involve my vendetta against Pimp My Ride, which they TOTALLY started. (Note: this is actually not sarcastic - they started it. For reals! Bastards.)
What I’m doing with my life
I think I mostly answered that above... Also thinking about random things.
I’m really good at
In no particular order: Socratic reasoning, air guitar, Sean Connery impressions, inappropriate jokes, Rock Band, and I can sing Old Man River from Showboat pretty well - my voice is deeper than it looks like it should be.
The first things people usually notice about me
Lame question. So instead of answering, here's a quote I like:

"Ferryboats stirred across the Sound and disappeared toward the horizon. Gatsby had seen something strange and new in this untrammeled land, but contemplating it now I could only think one sad, unvarnished thought. We are born, we eat a lot of lunches, and then we die." - one of the failed endings Fitzgerald wrote for Gatsby. I like it because it talks about lunches.
Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
Movies: I love movies. I want my life to be movies. Top 3, off the top of my head- Tarsem's The Fall, Guardians of the Galaxy, and Birdman. I also love anything where Nic Cage can wear one of his stupid hairpieces.

TV Shows: Community seasons 1-3 (can we agree that season 4 didn't happen?), Always Sunny, the British Top Gear, Justified, Archer, Parks & Rec, South Park, the League, etc. Single camera comedies. True Detective season 1. Danger 5. Narcos. Presently digging the hell out of Westworld.

Books: wildly varying. Just finished The Baroque Cycle by Neal Stephenson, this gigantic historical fiction about... Basically, the foundations of science, math and economics. Super nerdy, but also a page turner. My love of terrible movies does not extend to terrible books - I really enjoy the Twilight movies, because they're inadvertently hilarious, but only made it through 5 pages of the first book. Ugh. Also, it's worth talking about anti-favorites: anything by Ayn Rand. If you love Atlas Shrugged, we're going to have a tough time agreeing on almost anything.

Music: a bunch, but recently, entirely too much Hamilton. "How does a bastard orphan son of a whore..."
Six things I could never do without
modern furniture, polished concrete floors, classic cars, Rorschach tests, Calvin and Hobbes, a higher purpose. I only actually possess one of these things, and even then, it's a stretch to say I "possess" it. So I guess I answered this question, at a minimum, 83% wrong. I'm better at the SAT. For reals.
I spend a lot of time thinking about
Is there a default profile that everyone starts with on this site?! Or some blog that gave a profile outline that everyone follows? Because I can't imagine that this many people go rock climbing or kayaking or skydiving or [insert X-gamesesque activity] regularly enough to include it in a profile pic or as an interest. So either there's a big conspiracy to avoid me [narrows eyes, looks around suspiciously], or there's a lot of embellishment going on to sound cooler.

Also, is there anything named more perfectly than the combination character "?!" - it's called an interrobang. Seriously, whoever named that CRUSHED it that day.
On a typical Friday night I am
contemplating rewriting my profile to sound like a protagonist in a Dashiell Hammett novel. Example:

On a typical Friday night I am
sitting in my office, knee deep in a bottle of Scotch, wondering where my life went wrong. I clean my Colt .45 and put it back in the shoulder holster, glad that there's one thing close to my heart that won't leave me for my former partner.


It's one of those early summer nights where the air is heady with promise and ozone and car exhaust. The door cracks open, the blinds rattle against the window frame, and the wind carries in a hint of one part Chanel No. 5 and two parts trouble. And right on schedule, the trouble walks in the door.

Or... I could go with Haunted WWII vet or Graduate from The School of Hard Knocks? As you can tell, Friday is exciting!
The most private thing I’m willing to admit
That episode of Futurama about Fry's dog made me cry. Way worse than Old Yeller.
You should message me if
If you're looking for a best friend that you can't keep your hands off. I've come close before, and even close is pretty cool.

Or you want to tell me that my P.I. alter-ego is a rip-off of Tracer Bullet. Because 1) yes, totally, and 2) seriously message me right now, I love you.

Or if you can explain to me how Maldacena's holographic principle transposed into AdS-CFT correspondence doesn't indicate the obvious conclusion; that the visible universe is probably just the inside of a black hole somewhere else. Or maybe I just looked up some big words on the Internet and strung them together to sound smart.
The two of us