• We should eliminate the "great" from white sharks.
• I am not above shamelessly ripping off Jim Gaffigan.
I wish I was good at hacking internet webby pages like your Julian Assanges or your Anonymice and what have you. Oh I wouldn't use my skills for good/evil purposes like them (depending on who you ask), I'd just make it so my answer for Speaks in my Okcupid profile sidebar would say :English good.
✓ If that was too long for you, you should probably read more.
What did we learn in this section?
⇒ I have a solid grasp of human anatomy.
⇒ Comprehending figurative speech is a weakness of mine.
Movies: The best movie in the history of mankind is Gremlins 2 (No joke).
TV: I like Flash, Arrow, Game of Thrones, Stranger Things and Children's Hospital. You know the acting on Walking Dead is great when even the guns emote. (When Rick's gun is pointed down you know it's sad.) True Detective Season 2 may be the most highly anticipated yet underrated show ever despite an incomprehensible plot and consistently absurd dialogue.
Music: Jason Isbell, M83, Passion Pit, Stephen Lynch, Civil Wars, Chvrches, Ben Kweller, The National, Jenny Lewis, Hamilton, gregorian chants; my musical tastes are so ever evolving that if Darwin came back from the dead he could write a 1000 page ebook about them. If he had time between all of his eating of braaaaaaaaaaaaaaaains.
Food: Mexican, Italian, Thai, Burmese, BBQ, etc.
Podcasts (Because this section isn't long enough):
I loved Doug Loves Movies until Doug Benson blocked me on Twitter for being right. Improv4Humans, Comedy Bang Bang, and How Did This Get Made are good.
As a man I'd like to think that I don't need anything (Besides my dog ;-) narrative continuity nerds) - like you could drop me in the middle of the wilderness like Aron Ralston, Chris Mccandless or Timothy Treadwell, with a knife and flint and I'd survive - but then I remember that the only one of them who made it out of the wilderness alive did it by sawing his own arm off with a swiss army knife. For that reason I'm gonna throw "my Iphone" on the list. That way even if there isn't service I can play Angry Birds as I die of thirst and/or exposure.
➣ This isn't six things.
➣ These arrows are perhaps the coolest ones yet.
➣ NO I WILL NOT TELL YOU HOW TO MAKE THEM!
➣Ok fine, if you ask nicely I'll think about it.
► If the Police song "Every little thing she does is magic" was written in the 1600's it would have taken on a much darker tone.
► When anaerobic organisms have panic attacks do their friends tell them "bro, just relax and don't breathe"? Probably not; they're asexual.
► Condensed down to their major life events all koalas do is eat shit and die.
► If someone has a nasally voice, does that mean they have a sinus inflection?
In the offseason I work hard and cliche harder like everybody else.
→ You wear glasses: They are the windows to the windows to the soul.
→ Please only message me if you know the difference between whom and Britt Hume.
→ Bonus points if you don't have a beard.
Ps. If I offended, let me now issue a blanket apology: I am so sorry, blankets.