Candidate (me): “Sure. As a heterosexual date, I’ve been in multiple part-time and full time relationships since college. I feel like my past experiences as ‘date’ and ‘boyfriend’ has served to improve me as a person in general, and as a date specifically. I have a proven track record of honesty and dependability, with a balance of humor and nerdiness.”
Interviewer: “I have many IM’s from qualified applicants. Why should I date you specifically?”
Candidate: “I’ll be engaging in conversations and attentive to your needs and preferences. I’ll join you in exploring and playing in the Bay Area and beyond. I’m versatile and am comfortable dining at the local Thai joint or the French Laundry; sharing deep thoughts or quietly reading; hiking in the wilderness or taking the bus. I will be unafraid of commitment and at the same time will appreciate that relationships take time. In total, I have the disposition, experience, and means to be an excellent date and more.”
Interviewer: “To clarify, this posting is for a probationary ‘dating’ period not the position of ‘boyfriend’. However I will make a note that if you were to make it through the probationary period, you should be notified if the position of ‘boyfriend’ becomes available.”
Candidate: “Thank you.”
Interviewer: “What do you consider to be your greatest strength?”
Candidate: “Empathy. I think empathy is at the heart of all healthy relationships. Understanding another person can result in the happiest and most satisfying parts of a relationship. It can also limit disputes and focus the most effective support when things are not at their best.”
Interviewer: “Can you provide specific examples of the latter?”
Candidate: “Yes, but I’d rather defer that to an in-person meeting.”
Interviewer: “Duly noted. Moving on; what is your greatest weakness?”
Candidate: “My default mode is to be a very private person, though I recognize that can hinder development of a relationship. Previously, I would have deflected personal queries with humor and was very reluctant to share anything personal, even in an established relationship. I’ve improved in that area, though I admit that sometimes I have to make a conscious decision to share as it may still not come naturally.”
Interviewer: “Why did you stop dating your last date and/or your last girlfriend?”
Candidate: “The ‘last’ breakup was due to stagnation. I don’t think it was anyone’s fault, we had just taken the relationship as far as it could go and it was disingenuous to go through the motions.”
Interviewer: “Describe a difficult dating situation and what you did to overcome it?”
Candidate: “Ending a relationship is never fun. Referring to the end of the last relationship I was in, I was very clear and open about where I saw the relationship and was respectful and communicative about how I felt and where I thought we could go from there. Breakups are never something you want to do, but it happens. Faced with a unfortunate situation, I was mature enough to cooperatively work through the transition.”
Interviewer: “What kind of relationship do you see yourself in five years from now?”
Candidate: “If I’m in one, I see it as being where strengths and weaknesses are complementary, where communication is honest and concise, and where laughter and love are common.”
Interviewer: “I notice you said ‘IF I’m in one’. What do you mean by that?”
Candidate: “Over the course of my adulthood I have spent much of it outside of a relationship and consider the time spent single to be a beneficial. I believe that time has helped improve me as a person and Candidate. Additionally, I’m happy and don’t consider a partner to be a requirement for a fulfilling life. Yes, it would be nice and that’s why I’m here, but I’m not about to force anything.”
Interviewer: “What is your greatest relationship accomplishment?”
Candidate: “I kept my cool when I met her dad. I’d rather not get into the details, but I was asked to play it cool and show respect and I did.”
Interviewer: “Why would you want to date me?”
Candidate: “Have you met you? You’re awesome, that’s why.”
Interviewer: “I’m also confident and not an idiot. Though compliments are appreciated, they didn’t distract me from the fact that your response isn’t very specific.”
Candidate: “Not to break the fourth wall, but I think you know why I haven’t been specific.. Okay, short of specificity, I think we can compliment each other’s lives. However, I don’t want you to ‘fix’ me or even ‘complete’ me and I hope you feel the same. When life is tough, we can help each other get through it. When life is good, we can make it better.”
Interviewer (you): “Do you have any questions for me?”
Candidate (me): “Sure. Lots.”
>socially awkward in high school
>husky, oily pizza skin, bad dresser, the whole thing
>like music, though not music adults like
>first day back from summer
>i’m not a real troublemaker
>but don’t have a problem with destruction of property either
>scribbling a doodle on the textbook before class
>unlike the rest of the classroom, throwing crap around, and acting like a bunch of animals
>teacher comes in
>everybody shuts up to check out what we’re in for over the next year
>ball buster, definitely a ball buster
>literally commands respect:
“I am in command!”
>ball buster loses his shit
>detention for everyone
>ball buster, already seeing red sees doodles on my textbook
>loses more shit
>refers to the book as “defenseless”
>threatens to slap my “fat face”
>ball buster’s veins are popping out now as he yells
>stands me up in the middle of class
>me be quiet
>eyes popping, spittle flying, he yells in my face:
”What do you wanna’ do with your life?”
>first words out of my mouth:
“I wanna’ rock!”
All joking aside, I’m doing whatever I want. Mixing work and play sometimes getting paid for both at a somewhat technical job. I’ve gotten a little obsessed with hobbies previously so have tried to be balanced in the past few years. Admittedly, I’m probably rocking less than I did, but still manage an occasional concert.
A friend once said if I were a superhero, I'd be Empathy-Man, "With the power to feel your pain!" Which would be a pretty unimpressive superpower, and mighty boring superhero.
The last time I donated blood I was told, "You're a really good bleeder." "Thanks? I guess?" For the specific circumstance where I want to fill a bag with blood this is great, but I'm not sure how comfortable I am with being "good" at this... (BTW, if there is anyone out there who can explain to me how a healthy body does not FREAK THE HELL OUT when it loses that much blood, I'd love to know.)
I tend to read crap. Best seller thriller or bad horror or tech stuff. I read for fun, and I tend to reread books.
I'm not a movie guy so much, but I realized what I do like is pretty dark. (Seven, Up in the Air, History of Violence, Lord of War, Falling Down, Eternal Sunshine...) I'll enjoy the mindless eye-candy or the thought provoking stuff as well.
I'm enjoy most genres, but don't seek out country, rap, pop, or R&B. My default is "alternative" but that can cover a lot of ground.
I subscribe to 20 podcasts, but do not keep up with all of them. They are somewhat evenly a combination of news(ish), informational, general conversation, interview, and entertainment.
I don't watch much traditional TV. Sports is probably the only reason I'd have any broadcast TV on. I've found myself consuming a lot of content from YouTube; probably half is comedic and half is "infotainment". I'll binge watch Netflix on occasion. At this point, there seems to be more good content then I have time to consume.
I like good food, but that can be anything from the local mom and pop place to fine dining. Day to day, I try to abide by Michael Pollan's rule of "Eat real food, not too much, mostly vegetables."
* I have no idea why these are mostly German...
Also, stories. Story telling is in our DNA, and so I think it's a natural way for us to engage with the world. Everyone and everything has a story. I think the trick is maintaining the honesty of a story while still being engaging.
I went to the internet to find a better way to tie my shoelaces... and found it.