4/11/16 Looking back I found that my marriages failed because I had been unwilling to look at the old ideas I had used to create them in the first place. Maybe I now have access to a bit of life's wisdom. I had labeled myself a "hopeless romantic" and thought it endowed me with a level of "relationship brilliance". If I look at carefully at the term "hopeless romantic" and then use it, it actually says I have no hope of finding the romance I seek. It makes me a man with no hope stuck searching for it in a world of other hopeless people. It also implies that others are the cause of my aloneness, and that I am fine. Wow! Love returned is not a requirement for my loving another, and just because I love, no debt is placed on another to love me. I am hopeful not hopeless...the latter suggests it's time to head for the bridge.
3/31/16 Perhaps the permanence we seek within relationship along with our desire for forever is but an imperfect spiritual longing for the return to the unity of All That Is, from which I never separated myself from, but only became seemingly separated when my unity looked at itself when God said let there be light. I then considered only for an instant that the view of myself made an object apart from what I had known as unity. At this moment I projected myself as separate and splashed my projection into a universe where I seemed to be real. The rest of the illusion then becomes a subjective reality, existing only in my mind. Metaphors expand how I can view the hologram of the world I live in.
3/7/16 Saw a picture of Pharaoh Tutankaten today and realized that more people know what he looked like than what we have been told and shown what Jesus looked like.
1/14/16 I just finished Ayn Rand's Atlas Shrugged copyrighted in 1957. It is amazing to see so many parallels between the government we have to day and the one described in the book. The belief that the needs of the incompetent and lazy should command the wealth and energy amassed by the efforts of creators of business and industry is fully embedded within the world we live in. We currently have presidential candidates running on this premise and millions of people who support them.
12/26/15 We will never find intimacy talking about the weather no matter how honest we are.
11/1/15 It is always troublesome to admit that my fantasies about women or money are nothing more than the collection of my unmet needs within my life in each area. I then disguise them as "good" by calling them dreams. We never rise above our humanness, no matter how much we repress it and try to pray it away.
10/19/15 It occurs to me this morning that my using the term "monogamy" disguises a part of my human nature that would be labeled "possessiveness". A Dr. Berne described our dating and marriage rituals as based on "capture and keep" strategies.
10/02/15 I have been told by some that I lack a childlike faith in God. I cannot ignore the fact my childlike faith allowed me unquestioning belief in Santa Claus. I was allowed to question that belief but was told I couldn't question any other beliefs adults told me were then true. The belief in Santa Claus was my first training to use "faith" to disconnect me from reality. My religion taught me to use superstitions instead of reason to deal with my world. As I matured I finally began to use "intellectual integrity" to look at the world, where my beliefs no longer contaminate my scholarship.
09/30/15 It first seemed odd to me that women on here claim they are honest and want the same, then they disappeared when I was honest about who I am. I guess they have a list of proper honest answers. My second wife had a list of non-negotiable requirements for who she would date when I found her. After 5 years into the marriage, the list had turned into what was wrong with me. I am relieved she tossed me back in the water.
07/22/15 The most used word in profiles is "honest". I am honest about me from day one...I will not be more honest six months from now. I have safe and sane rules for relationships and naturally recognize the same in others. If my profile hides who I am, I am not honest.
07/13/15 I was recently asked about my children. Yes, I was a parent to 3 children, and the last one flew into the world in 2000, fifteen years ago. I was also a sailor once for 14 years, and that ended 34 years ago. Today I do not define myself with either past experience.
I have found that my past experiences with wives, children, and jobs is not an accurate predictor of who I have become at this age. I, likewise do not assume that a woman is warm, exciting, and friendly based on words in a profile, or because they have photos with grandkids and pets. Sometimes, profiles convey information about the writer in what they do not say. I like this dating site because it offers questions we can answer about a wide variety of topics. Reading the questions others answer will often show what they will avoid in any future discussions with them, and if their profile text is consistent with their answers. Sometimes it is even noticeable if they have used intellectual integrity to choose their beliefs about the world.
04/26/15 In this life I have found myself to be on a spiritual journey and not so much a religious one. After many years of study in the inerrant holy books, I discovered that I had to abandon the idea that a God who has shown such a long history of psychopathic behavior toward his creations could also be the God of love. This was necessary so that I could live my life sanely and with usefulness to others. For me, within each version of myself, I imagine a new vision of me that I can work to become. In this life, I seem to be focused on eighth house issues of birth, sex, death, resurrection via reincarnation and ascension. I have found my immortality hidden within my breath and eternity hidden within the current moment, that life and death are but gateways to the other. I paraphrase Leonard Cohen's line, "I have read all the holy books, and happiness still broke through".
04/21/15 I found my search for a soul mate is nothing more than an attempt by me to believe my soul at an earlier time was willing to do the work to have such a deep connection. That there was a time when my soul was not lazy and didn't expect to get something without working for it. My unwillingness to do the work today for this connection more likely is just a continuation of my soul's ancient laziness.
3/12/15 Ladies...I came into this world a "real man", I was just a smaller one. I only had to check my diaper. And I have given up hope that the many bubbly, outgoing ladies found here will be able to overcome their misogynistic(dislike of women embedded within all three religions of Abraham, and planted by social norms so it cannot be seen by even women) conditioning which keeps them from daring to say even a "hello" to a man they find interesting. We all have the exact relationships we desire.
It is 10/27/14. I have begun to see that the close warm loving relationships we are all seeking is more likely a fantasy about something we haven't yet found, at least for the divorced of us. This fantasy esposes my unmet emotional needs. Our long searches imply that we have poor skills in searching or we really seek someone we will not admit to ourselves or others. We all once thought we had found the perfect mate for us with our last ones, and I could not have been talked out of them being the only person I would ever want or need until I died, despite red flags so clearly seen by others. Perhaps if we are honest with ourselves, we might admit that the games we played to "capture and keep" our prior mates didn't work well then and will not likely succeed again. Just maybe we will gain access to heaven by loving many instead of loving only one or being loved by one who was my hostage. I have added the paragraphs above as efforts to become the gentle-man my mother hoped for, offered in my text below has attracted little interest. I am now willing to interact with you to live out any fantasies you have not found a partner for, with the caveat that no harm will come to us. Maybe this paragraph will elicit more than a "hey there" with its no follow on response.
***Old entry***Feeling loved by another is sweet, but what happens within me when I love is why I search for a partner. This internal condition changes my universe. I desire participation in the changes love creates within you and I offer you participation in the changes I create within me. I take full responsibility for my interior mental and emotional self. If I do not hold you responsible for my interior condition when it is good, you will not have to be blamed should it change.
Jazz, new age, opera...Vitas, possibly the world's greatest counter-counter-counter tenor. I also am impressed with the power and passion in Pink's song Try.
01/20/15 A friend reminded me today that for most of the men and women here, there is a man or woman somewhere that is glad we are gone, as they did not find the warm, highly energetic, caring person now advertising. I also suspect that some former mates daily lite votive candles to show their gratitude that I am gone.
My partner and l should have sane and sound ideas that guide any sexual relationship. We each will be free of other emotional and sexual links. We will want our emotional links to be heightened by our sexual link, instead of using sex to create emotional links. I will want no others in my mind, dreams or fantasies. My highest idea is that our sexual relationship will be the external expression of what we have in our hearts for each other.
Should one partner no longer find their heart's desire in the other they will wander off to continue seeking their heart's desire in another. And while this at first may result in feelings of anger or pain of loss, this action actually safeguards both hearts from further pain.
I have never been fully certain of the love of others, but loving others assures my heart that I am in the midst of love.
You are willing to co-star in a joint movie of great lives.