uncrazy
68 Columbus, United States
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uncrazy
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My self-summary
9/7/16 I used to tell myself God was going to eventually send me someone who was just perfect for me. I ignored the fact that I myself decided the 100s of women on this site were not what he wanted for me. So then how ever do I know Whoever she is that's coming is the one. What will actually happen is I will read a profile and recognize my neurosis and delusions within her profile. I will label it a match made in heaven. If we ever meet we'll relate the stories of how long we waited for God to hook us up and we'll feel elated that our isolation is at an end. We will likely assure each other of our willingness to be hostages, and we will fall in love with the ending of our isolation, forgetting that we had said we were capable of great love and care for a partner in our profiles. The ending of our isolation should evoke gratitude, but we fall in love with it the feeling...the person who showed up to end it is the one deserving of love. Believing the above does expose me...I'm choosing to be alone and God ends up responsible for my isolation. In a world where people are always saying "everything that happens does so in God's will", I will say that God didn't send the people that approached me. Actually, I was playing God when I ignored them or told them to go away...that I was going to wait for the "one" God was sending. I'm going to remain a hopeful romantic instead of the currently popular hopeless one.

9/3/16I just read about silent dating. We could meet for coffee and see what we feel, without ever having to talk. The second date would probably feel weird too. I'm going to look for someone who wants to do this. The only voice we will use is to order our coffees. We can write notes only after a half hour has passed. There is even a chance for one or both of us to walk away...without ever saying a word. We will leave with our judgments of the other intact...and make up wonderful stories to tell our friends about what was wrong with the other and how they couldn't meet the unmet needs we each brought to Starbucks.
8/26/16 I see so many on these sights looking for soulmates on the web. The soulmate is a western term for partners that practice very specific disciplines that create the union us wishful folks in the west say we seek with a partner.I have studied tantric yoga for many years. It just means yoga with a partner. It is a process that provides measurable indications that a couple is building the links sought between soulmates. Requires real work from partners, shortcuts impact connections...if we are not willing to do the work for this we are seeking pleasure without the skills to create it. If we are unwilling to do this work, we must wait for our soulmate to wreck their car on our front lawns to find us. Women I've met say they desire this level of pleasure with a partner, but remain closed to and unwilling to create the union that allows this pleasure to become available to each partner. A case of wanting gifts without efforts to gather knowledge and self discipline. Perhaps within 300 years society will be wise enough to form relationships this way. I realize we are trying to upgrade the knight/princess meme, but it may take a few more centuries to find the willingness to be a soulmate to another. We still say "sleeping with" as a meme for making love to our partner.
7/6/16 Today I was reflecting on an odd metaphor so often heard. We say "sleeping with" as the description for our "sex partners. Have any considered it odd that we have found it necessary to juxtapose the time great aliveness and passion with another, against the term "sleeping with" that describes it as a period of unconsciousness. What a strange way to disguise our repression, and then call ourselves mentally sound and emotionally healthy.
4/11/16 Looking back I found that my marriages failed because I had been unwilling to look at the old ideas I had used to create them in the first place. Maybe I now have access to a bit of life's wisdom. I had labeled myself a "hopeless romantic" and thought it endowed me with a level of "relationship brilliance". If I look at carefully at the term "hopeless romantic" and then use it, it actually says I have no hope of finding the romance I seek. It makes me a man with no hope stuck searching for it in a world of other hopeless people. It also implies that others are the cause of my aloneness, and that I am fine. Wow! Love returned is not a requirement for my loving another, and just because I love, no debt is placed on another to love me. I am hopeful not hopeless...the latter suggests it's time to head for the bridge.
3/31/16 Perhaps the permanence we seek within relationship along with our desire for forever is but an imperfect spiritual longing for the return to the unity of All That Is, from which I never separated myself from, but only became seemingly separated when my unity looked at itself when God said let there be light. I then considered only for an instant that the view of myself made an object apart from what I had known as unity. At this moment I projected myself as separate and splashed my projection into a universe where I seemed to be real. The rest of the illusion then becomes a subjective reality, existing only in my mind. Metaphors expand how I can view the hologram of the world I live in.
3/7/16 Saw a picture of Pharaoh Tutankaten today and realized that more people know what he looked like than what we have been told and shown what Jesus looked like.
1/14/16 I just finished Ayn Rand's Atlas Shrugged copyrighted in 1957. It is amazing to see so many parallels between the government we have today and the one described in the book. The belief that the needs of the incompetent and lazy should command the wealth and energy amassed by the efforts of creators of business and industry is fully embedded within the world we live in. We currently have presidential candidates running on this premise and millions of people who support them.
12/26/15 We will never find intimacy talking about the weather no matter how honest we are.
11/1/15 It is always troublesome to admit that my fantasies about women or money are nothing more than the collection of my unmet needs within my life in each area. I then disguise them as "good" by calling them dreams. We never rise above our humanness, no matter how much we repress it and try to pray it away.
10/19/15 It occurs to me this morning that my using the term "monogamy" disguises a part of my human nature that would be labeled "possessiveness". A Dr. Berne described our dating and marriage rituals as based on "capture and keep" strategies.
10/02/15 I have been told by some that I lack a childlike faith in God. I cannot ignore the fact my childlike faith allowed me unquestioning belief in Santa Claus. I was allowed to question that belief but was told I couldn't question any other beliefs adults told me were then true. The belief in Santa Claus was my first training to use "faith" to disconnect me from reality. My religion taught me to use superstitions instead of reason to deal with my world. As I matured I finally began to use "intellectual integrity" to look at the world, where my beliefs no longer contaminate my scholarship.
09/30/15 It first seemed odd to me that women on here claim they are honest and want the same, then they disappeared when I was honest about who I am. I guess they have a list of proper honest answers. My second wife had a list of non-negotiable requirements for who she would date when I found her. After 5 years into the marriage, the list had turned into what was wrong with me. I am relieved she tossed me back in the water.
07/22/15 The most used word in profiles is "honest". I am honest about me from day one...I will not be more honest six months from now. I have safe and sane rules for relationships and naturally recognize the same in others. If my profile hides who I am, I am not honest.
07/13/15 I was recently asked about my children. Yes, I was a parent to 3 children, and the last one flew into the world in 2000, fifteen years ago. I was also a sailor once for 14 years, and that ended 34 years ago. Today I do not define myself with either past experience.
I have found that my past experiences with wives, children, and jobs is not an accurate predictor of who I have become at this age. I, likewise do not assume that a woman is warm, exciting, and friendly based on words in a profile, or because they have photos with grandkids and pets. Sometimes, profiles convey information about the writer in what they do not say. I like this dating site because it offers questions we can answer about a wide variety of topics. Reading the questions others answer will often show what they will avoid in any future discussions with them, and if their profile text is consistent with their answers. Sometimes it is even noticeable if they have used intellectual integrity to choose their beliefs about the world.
04/26/15 In this life I have found myself to be on a spiritual journey and not so much a religious one. After many years of study in the inerrant holy books, I discovered that I had to abandon the idea that a God who has shown such a long history of psychopathic behavior toward his creations could also be the God of love. This was necessary so that I could live my life sanely and with usefulness to others. For me, within each version of myself, I imagine a new vision of me that I can work to become. In this life, I seem to be focused on eighth house issues of birth, sex, death, resurrection via reincarnation and ascension. I have found my immortality hidden within my breath and eternity hidden within the current moment, that life and death are but gateways to the other. I paraphrase Leonard Cohen's line, "I have read all the holy books, and happiness still broke through".
04/21/15 I found my search for a soul mate is nothing more than an attempt by me to believe my soul at an earlier time was willing to do the work to have such a deep connection. That there was a time when my soul was not lazy and didn't expect to get something without working for it. My unwillingness to do the work today for this connection more likely is just a continuation of my soul's ancient laziness.
3/12/15 Ladies...I came into this world a "real man", I was just a smaller one. I only had to check my diaper. And I have given up hope that the many bubbly, outgoing ladies found here will be able to overcome their misogynistic(dislike of women embedded within all three religions of Abraham, and planted by social norms so it cannot be seen by even women) conditioning which keeps them from daring to say even a "hello" to a man they find interesting. We all have the exact relationships we desire.
I have added the paragraphs above as efforts to become the gentle-man my mother hoped for, offered in my text below has attracted little interest. I am now willing to interact with you to live out any fantasies you have not found a partner for, with the caveat that no harm will come to us. Maybe this paragraph will elicit more than a "hey there" with its no follow on response.

***Old entry***Feeling loved by another is sweet, but what happens within me when I love is why I search for a partner. This internal condition changes my universe. I desire participation in the changes love creates within you and I offer you participation in the changes I create within me. I take full responsibility for my interior mental and emotional self. If I do not hold you responsible for my interior condition when it is good, you will not have to be blamed should it change.
What I’m doing with my life
Looking for exciting business opportunities. Appreciating what the universe has provided me. I play some golf, might skate the Riverwalk. After many years of listening to La Donna e Mobile, I recently found what the words mean in English. I might have found them useful had I known this earlier in life. Vitas on youtube does an incredible rendition of this piece, worth the view for opera lovers.
I’m really good at
I am an excellent cook. I have now completed 1200+ questions. My attempt to be known can fall into the category "really good at", even though I was prompted.
The first things people usually notice about me
My general sense of ease.
Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
histories of religions, Emerald Tablets of Thoth
Romantic/science fiction
Operas/ballets
Jazz, new age, opera...Vitas, possibly the world's greatest counter-counter-counter tenor. I also am impressed with the power and passion in Pink's song Try.
Japanese/Italian
The six things I could never do without
There have been times when I was without whatever I had formerly believed I couldn't live without and survived. Perhaps it is other people in general I cannot live without, as without others in my life I will become unsure that I am really here.
I spend a lot of time thinking about
01/27/15 I am left wondering what I should believe within any profile I view on here. A lady on a site wrote she was looking for someone to chat with. I perked right up because I know some words and I can do that. After four e-mails had been exchanged, I had received two words and nine pieces of punctuation. Whatever should us men use to predict what words might mean in a woman's profile?

01/20/15 A friend reminded me today that for most of the men and women here, there is a man or woman somewhere that is glad we are gone, as they did not find the warm, highly energetic, caring person now advertising. I also suspect that some former mates daily lite votive candles to show their gratitude that I am gone.

My partner and l should have sane and sound ideas that guide any sexual relationship. We each will be free of other emotional and sexual links. We will want our emotional links to be heightened by our sexual link, instead of using sex to create emotional links. I will want no others in my mind, dreams or fantasies. My highest idea is that our sexual relationship will be the external expression of what we have in our hearts for each other.

Should one partner no longer find their heart's desire in the other they will wander off to continue seeking their heart's desire in another. And while this at first may result in feelings of anger or pain of loss, this action actually safeguards both hearts from further pain.

I have never been fully certain of the love of others, but loving others assures my heart that I am in the midst of love.
On a typical Friday night I am
At supper with a group of friends sharing good conversation. Tonight, 7/20, I am captured listening to LaBoheme, the music featured in the movie Moon Struck with Cage and Cher. A powerful movie that reminded me of the emotional dynamics within my 7 year marriage to a Sicilian and her family. A wonderful movie and a rich life.
The most private thing I’m willing to admit
I'm willing to star in the movie of my own life instead of spending any time watching previews for the trailers of my fantasies.
You should message me if
you are up for coffee and conversation, if we click we might shop for dinner...we can cook it together. As a friend says "we might even dance between stirrings".

You are willing to co-star in a joint movie of great lives.
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