36Portland, United States
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My self-summary
***I'll randomly update this with umm, randomness. Its really just for my entertainment purposes.****

First off, let's be honest.
This is probably going to be very, very awkward.
All of it.
Especially if we get to the point of actually interacting with each other.
Even moreso if we meet face to face.
Exciting, isn't it?

I wonder how many of us have met in real life outside of this interwebs thing, without knowing it?

As children we were taught not to talk to strangers and as we grew older they warned us about weirdos on the interweb.

Yet here we are.

If I had a dollar for every Snapchat Dog filter pic I've seen on this site, I probably wouldn't be on this site.

Supposedly, I'm an ENTJ, but then I'm like IDK, so I LOL.
Intelligent conversation is not my forté.
However, being ridiculous, hilarious, playful and full of banter,sprinkled with words of encouragement, widom and weirdness that only make sense to me and any of my best supporting actors in a major motion picture, I can do pretty well.

Quick question:
Why is everyone doing the "Sticking out your tongue, thinking you're Miley Cyrus"?
Why is this still "A Thing"?
(Its having the totally opposite effect of being attractive... on so many levels)
Bottom line,: It looks gross.

I started thinking to myself, maybe I should rotate all my pictures sideways or upside-down.
Just to make it a little frustrating.

Also, I need pictures with my cat.
Doing all the fun things we like to do together:
Tetherball, chasing lasers, pretending to he sleeping, being woken up at 4 in the morning to be fed, being drawn like one of those French girls... Etc.

I'm pretty sure that my Spirit Animal is a Quesadilla.

Anywho. ..
Most of the women on here state:
"I am not like most women."
Very interesting...

And if they don't say that, they say something along the lines of:
"I don't know what to say here."
"This is a work in progress."
"I hate writing about myself."
"I can't be summarized in only a few paragraphs."
(Its called a Summary for a reason. SUMMARIZE!)
"I'm an open book, Just ask"
"____, ____, _____."

Umm... Yeah...
That doesn't help much, but it does leave the door open for some pervo-douché to swoon in and sweep you off your feet with dirty messages.

I'll try not to be a pervo-douché, but I make no promises.

On that note, OKC notifies me when someone views my profile.
I check out their profile.
So now it says I viewed their profile.
Who is really stalking who?

I remember wayyyy back in the day (like fall of '15) when tjid site had Enemy %.
I miss that.
I've met 2 people on here who were rated at 100% Enemy.
We didn't fight to the death.
I'm kind of disappointed by that.

By the way, what does being "Down to earth" mean?
You're in tune with gravity, I get it.

I'm kinda debating whether anyone actually reads these things.
Maybe I'll just ramble on.
If its interesting enough, you'll probably read on.

Hmmm... what to say or not to say?
My self-summary scares me.

"They say he's as strong as an ox.
And as agile as a... uh... smaller ox.
He moves like a whisper...
that you only say to the moon at midnight.
He's as cunning as a fox,
taking pottery classes,
at an ivy league university...
That accepts foxes."

Yeah, that's me they're talking about...ish.

Basically, I'm complicated.

My parents made a bunch of weird babies.
They also made a bunch of pretty ones.
I hope I'm one or the other.
Maybe both.

I'm the white sheep of my family.
(With a tinge of brown)

A lot of what I say is sarcastic.
Thing is, there's truth behind my sarcasm.

And truth is:
I'm content with where I'm at, good at what I do, and happy with who I am.
Its all based on reality.
True story.

Which all translates to:
Good fam, great friends and an awesome job.
Still a true story.

Oregonian: Portland-born, Salem/Gervais-raised,
(if you know where and what Gervais is, just stop reading now. Click the HOME button, skip this profile, forget you ever saw this. Seriously....ok, not so serious. )
Spent the last of a better part of a decade living in the burbs (Beaverton/Hillsboro).
Just recently moved into the heart of downtown Portland.

Like to think I'm an easy-going, open-minded, free-spirited, no-preservatives, MSG-free, fun, and a heck of a funny guy (or so I've been told).

I've got my shiznit together.
(That's street-talk for responsible)
A bit fearless, but not careless.
An adventure in my own comfort zone.
A phenom...in my own mind.
Really. I'm a force to be reckoned with.

I'm living vicariously through my own life.

More than two people have punched me while I've been sleeping.
(Not-so-long story... Stupid men in uniform)
They're jealous of my dreams, I think.

I believe in myself and sometimes believe others.
Strong in my beliefs and my morals.
(I donate blood with the nagging guilt that it will save an evil person's life).

Not religious, but definitely in-tune with a spiritual sense of being.
I meditate, contemplate & celebrate.

Hope to someday save the world, or at least do my part to change it.
I can picture myself starting a revolution one day.

I may not be perfect, but allow me to try.
I'm a hopeful Romantic, and a helpless Believer.

"Dork" follows me around.
"Awkward" seems attracted to me also.
I know who I am.

I wouldn't consider myself artsy-fartsy or fancy-pantsy...
Just totally me.
I'm not an angel, but I am the honest type.
Been through my ups and downs, like the rest of the world, and I still come out smiling and even laughing about it.

I may be cute, but I clean up good.

Looking for a partner-in-crime.
Or my side-kick
Better yet, My Super-Heroine
You know what I mean.

By the way, contrary to popular belief of the late 90's, if you want to be my lover... DO NOT get with my friends.

The short & sweet:
Life is good.
I'm just on a search for someone who wants to share that with me.
Friendship, more, whatever.
Lets take a chance.
Want to come with?
What I’m doing with my life
Giving a mouse a cookie.
Nothing like the book.
At all.

Everyone on here lead such interesting lives.
And here I am....
Just making Ramen Noodles.

There's a Yoshi tattoo on me.
My life really has taken me down a strange path.
I think I've gotten to the point in my life where I just want to make things kinda awkward at best, and hope that it doesn't turn into a serious problem, I get an undeserved promotion, or someone falls in love with me.

I rent stuff out & sell it to contractors.
I'm good at what I do.
I do my job for survival purposes only, I'm living my dreams off the clock.
I can't help it, I'm a phenomenon.

I have awesome fam & great friends.
They're the reason I stick around.

Right now, everything is very convenient.
With that said, I cherish a lot of the people in my life and cherish any and all free time.

I like to make random trips.
I'm addicted to adventures and exploring.
Been here and there. With a want to go "there" some more.
From exploring my local neighborhood, to city, to states, to other countries.

[Just A Thought]
I don't think caterpillars kmow that they will become butterflies.

I think that they just start building a cocoon and say to themselves, "What the heck am I doing?"

Eventually, they just become.

There's a lesson to be learned in all of this.


¿Y tú, que quieres de la vidá?
I’m really good at
...making people laugh.
Hopefully its an honest smile being reciprocated.

...telling a story like its nobody's business.
Although after I'm done, its everyone's business.

...Rrrrrrrolling my R's.

... Being warm. Or so I've been told.

...being really, REALLY good at not taking pictures of myself without a shirt off.
I'd show of my abs, but my lil gut gets in the way.

Then, I end up with a lower score.

...Smart-ass remarks.
I come from a huge family of verbally abusive children.
Since I'm the oldest, I really don't know who taught them such linguistic skills.

...NOT being good at pool.
For some reason all my friends think I am....until we start playing.
Then they're like, "Oh...yeah..."

..And I'm good at overdoing "...".
The first things people usually notice about me
I smile.
A lot.
Like a lot.
Like a lot, lot.

But not that much.

Btw, IG: urbanchango81
Happy stalking.
Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
Books- Anything by Stephen King or Orson Scott Card and Chuck P.
I really enjoy Jennifer Government, The Zombie Survival Guide, and World War Z.

Movies- The list would go on and on...

Music- Ditto, but if you are down with any incarnation of Chris Cornell (Audioslave, Temple of The Dog, Soundgarden, Solo), Chevelle, ONESIDEZERO, Eddie Vedder, ....
Some Hip-Hop Anonymous: Eminem, Bone Thugs, 2Pac....
And Spanish Rock: Maná, Cafe Tacuba, Caifanes, Jumbo, La Secta Allstars....
We'll get along fine.
Oh, and I've always been a Guns n' Roses fan.

Shows- Not too many to list.
Simpson's, The Office, Band Of Brothers, Generation Kill, The Pacific, Ghost Hunters.

Food- I'm trying to eat healthier, but its still an open option on everything.

"Cyanide and Happiness" makes me laugh out loud.
Six things I could never do without
Well, the fact that I can't do without the basics like Food, Water & Shelter should say a couple things about me:
A) I care enough to care for inanimate objects and concepts such as Food, Water & Shelter.
B) And it should make me sexy that I care enough.

However, here's Six more for your viewing pleasure:
1. Music
2. Something to write on & write with.
3. The chance to make good memories.
4. Smiles
5. Tater Tots
6. My Ninjas a.k.a. My Peeps
I spend a lot of time thinking about
The Zombie Apocalypse ... and whether there is an App for that.

And why am I (the single one) always ending up being the one everyone comes to for relationship advice?

I wonder, if the Powerpuff Girls were real, could they introduce me to Mojo Jojo?

I do tend to overthink things, and every once in awhile go into recluse mode and get into a writing mood.
It's bliss & happiness afterwards..
A sort of therapy.
I once wrote something for someone, but they didn't wait around to read it.
On a typical Friday night I am
Out & about.
A local dive, bar or even a club.
Or karaoke.
Whatever works.

A good show out in town.

Or I stay in, chillax and catch a movie.
Or write a bunch in my many notebooks.
Or doing some YouTube Karaoking with friends.
(My cat appreciates those nights)

Its never planned.

A perfect night ends with a smile though.

Although I do enjoy a random road-trip...
To the mountains, to the coast, or even some wooded glen.
Where the deer, and the rabbits, and squirrels, and birds come up greet us as they nuzzle their snouts and beaks against me.
Making sure I'm unaware of the set-up they are planning with the wild bison behind me.
Damn those cute, back-stabbing creatures...damn them to heck...

I remember.
The most private thing I’m willing to admit
I have sensitive imaginary friends.

Am I the only one who gets frustrated at the store, and you're trying to purchase one of those divider things, but the checkstand person decides to take it away from you, only to put it behind someone else's purchase?

I've recently realized that I really, REALLY enjoy starting off a chain-reaction of yawns, whenever others are around.

I'm also afraid of Creepers.
You should message me if
You want.
You're interested.
Don't be shy to make first contact.
I'm not.

Honesty is a big thing for me.
Like when a woman tells me that she is "Bi".
I don't even have to figure out the "polar" part.

And if you DO NOT have the following on your profile or do the following in real life (though I will make exceptions on a case by case):

- The famous Bathroom Mirror pic (ESPECIALLY if the toilet is in the background).
- The Duck face.
- Skinny jeans on someone not female.
- Moustache on someone not male.
(A moustache on a woman in this site is like a guy wearing a Tapout shirt or taking a pic of their so-called Six-pack....Very Douché)
- If you're attracted to "Swag".
I'm pretty sure there's a youngin' out there for you. Probably still in High School.
- Sunglasses at night.... unless its your "Stunna' Shades".
- Issues .... yeah.... I'll pass.
We all have them, but you can't drag them along, unless they're pushing you forward.
- The Oompa Loompa Orange look.
This includes agreeing with the views and policies of our current Commander In Chief.... I'm down to fight for my rights.
- A pic of your pet, and ONLY your pet as your only pic.
- Animal-print .... ANYTHING. Unless its Halloween.
- Way too much makeup on.
(I like a pretty face... natural pretty)
- You smoke... I just can't compromise that.
- Unnatural looking (Drawn-on) eyebrows. I tease my sister about hers, I have no qualms about a stranger. Just being honest.
- Having a lack of a smile anywhere.
(Heck, I'll settle with a Smiley emoticon somewhere in your description).
- If you use the word "Hella" a Hella lot. Actually, if you use "Hella" at all. Don't come at me with a "Hella". I can do "Yo'", "Word"... but not "Hella".
- YoU TeXt oR TyPe LikE ThiS.
- If you have a picture of yourself wearing the theater 3D glasses thinking its a fashion statement, STOP IT. Right now. Everyone else in the world has done it. You are not original.
- If you think you're a model... Because to tell you the truth, Instagram isn't an agency.
- If you are doing that "tongue thing".
Miley can't make it look hot.
Copycats, even less.

And this should filter things out:

I do not care about The Beavers or The Ducks.
Fine if you do. Show your "pride".
I didn't go to either school.
Its not a big deal to me.

If I could find "normal", or something as close to it as possible, with the patience to explore outside a comfort bubble, that would be....nice.

If you made it this far, I'll let you know now:
This profile barely scratches the surface.

And one last thing:
If you're a flake, don't even bother.
I've always been an.honest person and and not seeking anything right off the bat, but I'm also taking the time to put forth the effort.
Nothing less attractive than a person that leads others on.

Really, all I'm looking for is the right "She" to my "nanigans".
The two of us