33Corvallis, United States
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My self-summary
My online presence has moved to my own domain. You can find me at

If you see bears: chase them away with the BEAR of SECURITY.

When the images appear, your connection is secure. And that's what the website is about: #security.

Encrypted websites are legit: 256 bit key!

All of my posts are Public: Security through Transparency.

My website is a No Spy Zone with TLS encryption.

I am happily married to an amazing woman who liked my profile when she found me on her local match search. She is Tricycle-Girl now, but she was MarthaMacGiver when we met. We are 99% Match, by the way :-)

In order to view this profile properly:
Simply play the following YOUTUBE VIDEO in a background tab, and let the song play as the soundtrack as you keep reading for as long as you can possibly stand it... ready? It's pretty tricky!

YOUTUBE VIDEO: Straight To Hell

×∞ duh.

the perpetual doing of it


I am what I do

I am alive

Hullo, new friend! I am cheyNE omatic, and I live on the Internet๏ ⚛Google is my friend, as is ♡OkCupid, and ☔ I also have ♖my own website, which I update frequently with pictures from my ⚇Adventure.

In real life, I bake cupcakes.


I am on a ᕾQuest to find the ♡Woman of My Dreams, and it has taken me on quite an ᖔAdventure so far: teaching me lessons, and equipping me with plenty of stories to share with you.

I learned to bake ᖫVegan Cupcakes while I was working at the Kite Store in Boulder, and though I loved my job, my dreams called me home to open my own ᑍCupcake Shop in ᐛManitou Springs.

My dreams are calling me home, cupcakes are driving the train, and these words are mixing my metaphors.

Now in Pidgin
Howzit brah? Lesgo bust one da' kine cupcake!

§: No man comes to the father except through me, no purchase necessary, void where prohibited, while supplies last, yatta yatta yatta, and so on and so forth.

I am Seeing Someone, named MarthaMacGiver, and she's a Great Catch
What I’m doing with my life
The wife and I live in Corvallis and we make cupcakes for our friends.

I owned and operated BFF Cupcakes in Manitou Springs, but I'm moving to Corvallis in February.

I am living simply and my adventure is coming along nicely: I have more than enough and I'll happily share with you!


I am living ᓐduh. In my every deliberation, I am a ᓁPeaceful Citizen of Earth, and in return, the ᑩUniverse totally hooks me up. It is a pretty ᔛᕒᕧᕧᒦ ᑺᕧᕖᒶ.

I am the ♂Man of your Dreams, or at least I will do for now.

Oh, tum-tea-tum... I am also starting a small business in Colorado: a vegan Cupcake Shop with Free Internet. I've illustrated it with a crayon already, so I know it will work — perhaps as a ⚚Non-Profit Organization.

+☃ IRL

I met kmiokat on Inventory Day at Into The Wind, and we insta-bonded BFF-style! Then we hung out and had fun adventures all the time in Boulder, through the end of the summer, then I moved back to Manitou Springs, and she graduated from massage school.

+♨ BFF

My Conscience and my Common Sense direct me, and they always remind me to follow my Dreams. They constantly tell me to: just do it...just do it...Just Do It...

I AM duh. I live a ⚪Simple Life and I don't own anything. I use nice things when I am playing the money game. I eat healthy food. I dream about girls. I play with toys. I Love!

But srsly, I am doing everything I want to do before I die. My life is an intense existence because of that, and I am so glad it is!

I began with Saturday ◒HALf-BAkE SALES to raise funds to start a legitimate business, until I started working at the nursing home on the weekends.

Until I remembered I was an ᒱAt-Will Employee and could leave at any time, with or without cause. So I took a leave of absence from work, and I took my life back, by taking a hitchhiking trip to New Mexico for the entire month of July. Woohoo! Vacation!

I have Great Sex ......... mmmmmmmmmmmmmmm!


Lately I have become quite fond of MarthaMacGiver... I have way more than a little crush on her!

I broke a lot of my teeth in the car accident, which then adopted cavities and broke frequently, until the point when I couldn't even eat white bread without pain, so I decided to take action! And I did! I got: 2 ROOT CANALS, 7 WHITE FILLINGS, and 2 WHITE CROWNS, and if I was in an RPG right now, I would level up!


Food is very important to me, and tooth pain distracts me from the beauty that is food. It is my dream to have nice teef, and that is why I am doing it.
I’m really good at

...good at... in no particular order, without further ado:
Baking cupcakes, riding my bike extreme distances, spelling....heh, and being humble.

Falling asleep cuddled with a girl in a hammock.

Also, everyone gets along with me, I don't know if that counts as something I am good at, but still, it's a fact worth mentioning.


Because I bake with Love, my cupcakes always come out ORGASMICALLY DELICIOUS! One bite triggers involuntary eye-closing and natural ॐ responses in every person I share them with.

They're pretty fuckin good! ~MarthaMacGiver


Oh, Love, and being Alive. Yes, I am pretty good at that. I was in a coma for two weeks when I broke my skull and had brain damage from a car wreck in 2001. The paramedics brought me back a few times when my heart stopped beating on the ambulance ride(s). I am alive now and I am not afraid to die.....again.


WOW! I have never eaten a cookie while having sex in a hammock before! ~MarthaMacGiver

I am also pretty good at writing web pages for a search engine audience.


Gruntles all BFF style!


Io sono bilingue, con l'aiuto di Google.
The first things people usually notice about me

That I am sharing cupcakes with them, and that I am treating them with respect and decency.


awwwwww, you made me all melty like buttah! ~MarthaMacGiver


They notice that I am making eye contact, and that I have a genuine interest in whatever they are telling me.


They notice that I like to turn conversations deep right away. Normal topics for "small talk" with me are: Miracles, Dreams, Satan, Feelings, The Universe, God, Manifesting, Interconnectedness, Parents, Siblings, and the like.


I have three tattoos: a BFF cupcake above the word duh. on one arm, and the mark of the beast on the other: JUST DO IT ✔ 666


"They sell Bud. We sell Weed," he said. "What's the difference?"
Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
You can listen to the music on my website and get a pretty good idea of what I like.

The address is:

The "s" is important in that protocol: it means your connection is secure.

It is the word "sneeze" if you read it upside down, and it magically becomes a #hashtag when you capitalize it. Observe: - Tweeting that on Twitter creates a link to some shitty car thing, so I took the next logical step, and took the dot out.

Second try: #z33us worked like a charm and struck an unclaimed hashtag. If you ever do the twitter, you should get on the cloud with #z33us #pngCrusade #mandatoryhashtag

Six things I could never do without
(1) ♴My bicycle,
(2) ∞my BFF,
(3) ≓my passport,
(4) ⊕a place to hang my hammock,
(5) ණan oven, and
(6) උa good source for cupcake ingredients.
I spend a lot of time thinking about
How awesome it would be if OkCupid linked profiles when users get hooked-up with each other.


Relationship Status: SEEING MarthaMacGiver

The announcement on the homepage news feed would read: This actual OKC user: vegan-cupcake is seeing that actual OKC user: MarthaMacGiver. They are a 95% Match, and MarthaMacGiver sent the first message to vegan-cupcake after seeing him on her match search, and she <3s him!

We are a solid 95% Match, and without the aid of any performance enhancing WTF.

Someday, someone is going to walk into your life and make you realize why it never worked out with anyone else.
— : aliehs : disintegrate(via lalanii) (via kari-shma) (via dilaudid)

+♀ WMD

The Woman of My Dreams, mostly, but I also think a lot about starting my Internet Cupcake Shop, and about how miracles glue my dreams together.

How I'd love to find a cute little traveling partner to have fun adventures with, and how the Woman of my Dreams is like a puppy.

I think about how girls like The Beatles, and I listen, and I Love!


In my fantasy, I am a photographer for DOMAI, taking pictures of the women of my dreams.


"Internet cupcake shop" is kind of like "Internet café" except that the business model of Internet café includes selling Internet access by the minute.



Give away infinite products, sell good food for a fair price! duh.!


I think about animals, I think about dreams, I think about Love, I think about sex, I think about plans, and goals, and aspirations. I think of the lyrics to a song.


I think about the rest of the world. I think about China, I think about Australia, I think about Europe, I think about India, I think about Tibet, I think about Palestine, I think about the girls I have loved, I think about starting a family, I think about planting a garden, I think about living off the grid, I think about solar panels, I think about the wind.


I think about resistance, I think about tension, I think about magic, I think about freedom, I think about chocolate.

I think about orgasms, I think about breasts, I think about human beings.

I think about high school, I think about college, I think about being in a coma, I think about brain damage, I think about marijuana.


I think about poetry, I think about people, I think about government, I think about laws, I think about the sky, I think about God.

On a typical Friday night I am Hanging out with Lily Allen for #security
The most private thing I’m willing to admit
I don't sleep in a bed.

+☠ BED

I sleep naked in a hammock.


And I am also a bionic Satanist who was Resurrected by Science. Thank you very much.

You should message me if
You should massage me if, mmmmmmmmmmm, message me if you are the Woman of my Dreams, or if you want to be my BFF. I'm always ready to make a new friend!


Seriously, if you're cool. If you have opinions, or if you don't, at least be interesting to talk to.


Or, if you are incredibly sexy! (but only if you are nice sexy―I am a sucker for nice sexy!)

You know what nice sexy is.

The two of us