I came to this site initially to find sex, not just casual sex, but connected sex, with men who enjoy not only the destination but also the journey. I found that, and in meeting my physical/emotional needs on one level, this gave me space to consider what I am seeking in the longer-term. I initially thought I wanted to become part of a couple, but with time, I have shifted my goal.
I have in my past always been a monogamous woman within my relationships, committed to the man I shared my life with, but I am older now and now have lovers that I value very much, who are very good friends as well as lovers, but whom I have no possibility of living with. I would like to maintain these relationships, as "treat lovers", as they are men who add something very valuable to my life in terms of friendship, love and enjoyable sex.
I have found a man for my bedrock relationship, who is secure enough in himself to recognise that others can be threaded through my life without dislodging my commitment and relationship with him. We are slowly working together towards creating a home together. Though my relationship with him is very fulfilling, I want and need to be able to form other relationships, sexual and non-sexual with others, to revel in loving others and being loved. That is why I am still here.
I am not interested in being someone "on the side" or a "secret liaison". Yes, I understand that you can be "married" and "single", as that is what I was for some time, awaiting my divorce from a man no longer part of my life. But if you are in a relationship that you are absolutely tied to, and are only looking for sex and not really interested in the mind and emotions beyond the body, I am not the woman for you. I am not looking for a marriage, so if that is what you are seeking - a traditional kind of pair-bonding, I am not going to be a good match. I do not think it is relevant for a woman of my age, and really don't need a state "stamp of approval" on my relationship. I am attracted to assertive men, with a strong sense of themselves and who have direction in their lives, but are open to making room for my own desires and dreams and allowing me to share in his. I am submissive in nature, but would not give myself a label of "submissive", for I am not. I enjoy pleasing others, thinking about the needs of others and filling them when I can but I too need that reciprocated. I need to feel cared for too. I am not an eyes-averted kind of woman and am definitely not into being shoehorned into any particular role, but am open to playing. The dynamic I seek will feed both of our natures to mutual benefit. Synergy rather than dom/sub. I want someone to challenge me, comfort me, encourage me, hold me, and who needs that from me too. Discussing this with a friend the other day, we came up with "gourmet vanilla" as a descriptor. :^)
I have answered lots and lots and lots of questions, so you can find out a lot about me there. I do think that the OKC match has some validity - especially when questions are answered honestly - but I also treat it with some caution. I am looking for men who have a match, and to have more confidence in the validity of the match rates, at least 100 questions need to be answered. If you haven't put that much effort into the questions, then I am unlikely to respond. I am looking for someone who is willing to have a real go at this, providing some openness about himself so that it is easier to see if we might work.
I am not particularly interested in young men, simply because I think that there is less likelihood we will have a meeting of minds. I do not have an upper age limit, but young at heart is essential.
If you have got this far...
SOME INSIGHT INTO ME
I am left-wing, an ageing hippie, and prefer kindred spirits. I voted for Obama in the last election, and the one before, despite my disappointment with his progress. I am coming to the conclusion that elections are more and more a farce, a simple means of allowing the profit fodder to feel like they have some control over their lives. In the UK, I vote Green as my protest against the lurch to the right by Labour, unless there is a risk that a Conservative will get in. My first vote for Obama was the first time I felt I was voting FOR someone, while my second was against the lunatic right-wing. Wouldn't it be nice if all elections gave us something to vote FOR? A positive vote? A real choice?
I'm 5'6", 80kg (sorry, I haven't quite made the transition to metric entirely!) - a typical pear-shaped woman with small breasts and too-large hips (though I have been repeatedly told I have a nice ass). Caveat emptor. Longish greying hair. A body marked by child-bearing. I believe in honesty, so I have pointed out what I perceive as my potential shortcomings, because if you are going to reject me on physical grounds I would much rather you do it at this stage BEFORE we meet in person, especially if I am making some effort to travel to you. If body type IS important to you, think about it carefully.
I am a size UK 14 on top (US 10) and a size UK 16 on bottom (US 12) - but my waist tends to be too small in proportion to my hips so I find it difficult to find trousers to fit well. If you don't understand that, go and look at some women's clothes and make certain that I am not outside your desirable range.
I am very keen on good food, and like growing my own food (though I am not very good at it), I have kept chickens since 2005 and kept bees since 2007, and currently have 4 hives. My bees produce the most fantastic honey, with a real bouquet of flavour - you can taste all the different things they have fed on.
I have always worked, except for maternity leave, but have become one of the casualties of the "cuts" needed to pay for the wars and bailouts of the bankers... I have been made redundant from local government after 24 years service, and delighted to have escaped with my pension intact (a pensioner! Imagine that!). I am currently employed, using my data analysis and demography skills.
I try to live as simply as I can, and am very interested in local/home-grown food. I have chickens and keep bees and grow vegetables and fruit rather badly. I prefer to eat some meat from farmer's markets or local farms, as they seem to have much more interest in the animal's welfare, but am happy with vegetarian meals too. I see meat as part of sustainable agriculture, and eating occasional meat is not a bad thing.
I am a local campaigner, good at making complaints and using FOI requests to try to push my local council into doing better.
I am a willing combatant against injustices, and am resourceful and creative.
Making honey and bees wax candles.
My bees make excellent, truly excellent, honey.
I am a decent cook.
I am an appreciative and generous lover.
I am a bit of a geek in my job, enthusiastic about the work I do, which some will think utterly boring. Population statistics. Research. There... I've revealed my dark secret.
I am also really good at saying the wrong thing sometimes.
English folk - Sandy Denny, Richard and Linda Thompson (solo or together), Roy Harper, Gavin Moore, Van Morrison, Laura Marling, Frank Turner, Newton Faulkner; I like classical for background sometimes; Springsteen; Richard Ashcroft/Verve; Grateful Dead; some jazz - Steve Cole, Dave Koz; Ludovico Einaudi; not keen on heavy metal, rap, or country/western. I am open to listening to lots of different kinds of music.
I enjoy theatre, and would go to see virtually anything at the National, Shakespeare, fringe. I am happy to go to musicals, but they are not my favourites. For the last few years, I have booked the entire season at the Globe and love it. If you want a companion for the theatre, let me know! My theatre time has been non-existent since the arrival of my granddaughter, and I would love to have that change.
I like going to exhibitions, but hate getting those tired legs from walking so slow. If you can help me figure out how to not get tired legs, please let me know! I have membership of both the Tate and the British Museum.
Books - I haven't had time to read for years, and mostly listen to audiobooks on my commute. Pratchett, Karen Maitland, Philip Pullman, Barbara Kingsolver, whatever takes my fancy at the library. I loved The Poisonwood Bible, and was inspired by Animal, Vegetable, Miracle.
my family and friends
a well equipped kitchen
a good internet connection
a sense of adventure - for what is life without that?
Yeah, that's more than six, but I have always been one to challenge diktat.
forming and sustaining relationships
love, and the myriad facets of love
The future, wondering how it will pan out for my children and grandchild.
How do we change a consumerist profit-fodder populace to conscious and caring individuals, willing to challenge the corporate interests that are sucking resources out of our society for their own benefit?
How to live simply, but still enjoy a good quality of life.
How to make my dreams come true.
Where I should move to when it is time for me to leave London. I wish to have a more rural life. My eyes crave green, and my ears crave birdsong or the rustle of wind in the leaves.
Why the left has such a difficult time providing a real alternative, and how the right has managed to shift the political spectrum so far from the socialist idealism that used to prevail.
Whether elections have any meaning at all.
I'll admit two... communication is important to me too, and this means that I am more attracted to those who communicate well, including some care with spelling and grammar. It is the way I am wired. However, I am not a grammar nazi, and value content over form, because I am not looking for a novelist but a love or few.
So, if you haven't got much in your profile, enough for me to be able to get some sense of who you are and how your mind works, you are unlikely to get a response from me. I have written all this because I want men who contact me to be clear about who I am and what I hope to find. Yes, I am asking you to put some effort into your messages to me, as I am unlikely to respond to "Hey, baby... " messages.
you are open about the idea of non-monogamy, not just for sexual variety but for the purpose of forming honest and open relationships with others
you value open communication and are equally comfortable in being open yourself
you like sleeping with the curtains open, so you can be slowly woken by the brightening sky and birdsong
I would be happy to correspond with long-distance penpals, but NOT about sex, but rather about shared interests
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(I know this looks daft, but I have had issues with harassment on the internet previously.)