whatsoccurring
30 London, United Kingdom
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whatsoccurring
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My self-summary
Celebrating 30 years without setting myself on fire.

Like many people on OkCupid, I routinely climb Everest on a Sunday morning before breakfast :) I like dry humoured ambitious people with passion for something(s) in their lives. Bonus points if you can pass a primary school spelling/grammar test and don't own an axe.

This is a very OkCupid-specific disclaimer: I'm not particularly looking to meet any poly-genderqueer-elf-witches. Please don't put a spell on me, I had to set the line somewhere.
What I’m doing with my life
I've been self-employed in online retail for some years now. It's hard work but I love the flexibility it provides, although you have to be strong to avoid slipping into Netflix marathons at inappropriate moments.

I also like history, dinosaurs, Formula One, posting random stuff to people I know and waiting for their reaction, and pushing hipsters in front of moving traffic. I've never been to Thailand, so I won't bore your face off about the life-changing experience I had kissing a monkey underneath a mystic waterfall.

2016 is my official year of self reflection and personal development, and I had joined the gym and read a book a whole month before the New Year! I'm unjustifiably smug about this - let's see if I can escalate the achievements:

December 2015:
I went to a gym class out of curiosity, thinking it would be easy, only to be *destroyed* in body and soul for the next week. I spent Christmas watching Rocky and Mr Motivator videos, developing a masterplan to become the king of the gym.
...Not really, I ate and drank lots of chocolate and Buck's Fizz (gathering my strength for the new year).

January:
- I have overcome magnetic resistance and become the overlord of group cycling (spinning) class.
- I paired two sets of socks that have been mismatched for the last year, confirming that I can achieve literally anything.
- I read a book about 'Mindfulness', which advocates paying proper attention to the present moment so you can maximise your experience of life. Immediately, on 12th Jan (into your diary please), I discovered a 1 Qatar Riyal note at the top of a tube escalator, equivalent to a stupendous £0.19 at today's exchange rate.
- I discovered a grey hair. This confirms my suspicion that I am in fact a wizard.

February:
- Having tamed the exercise bike, I moved onto BodyPump classes.
- Perhaps this is 1-2 years too optimistic, however I intend to petition OkCupid to add "Greek God" to the list of body types.

March:
- A guy called Roman once said, "Beware the Ides of March". I would have done well to take heed of this.
- March provided a perfect storm of 1) My birthday, 2) Easter, 3) Too many offers on Lindor chocolate eggs, and 4) Bastard friends.
...One cheat day, turned into a cheat weekend, then a cheat week, and finally a cheat month.
- If life was a big game of Snakes and Ladders, my progress would ultimately be down at subterranean Austrian dungeon level. Excuse me one moment whilst I powder my nose with Easter egg..
- I read Nineteen Eighty Four for the first time. It was a life-changing experience, but I haven't yet figured out how.

April-August:
- A slow descent into crack-whoredom (I'll update this later once I remember what I did).
I’m really good at
- Posting unhelpful comments on attention-seeking Facebook statuses.
- Winning at board games (and winding up my opponents whilst doing so).
The first things people usually notice about me
Well, I think it's that I come across as very genuine and easy to trust, however a good female friend described me as "left handed and a twat", so let's go with that.
Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
Food
All food is good, but sushi is better.

Music
I enjoy most music whilst happily oblivious as to who performs it.
Making long lists of obscure hipster bands seems to be popular here however, and I do want to fit in. Gotta love a bit of Toyboy Sex-Offense Badger Blender :)

Books
The bumper book of bunny suicides.
http://media.ebaumsworld.com/picture/PureZOOKS/clock-bunny1.jpg

TV Shows
Alan Partridge, Breaking Bad, Band of Brothers, Dexter (If the final series never existed), Father Ted, Fawlty Towers, Game of Thrones, House of Cards, Last Week Tonight with John Oliver, Michael Palin, Orange is the New Black, Takeshi's castle, The Blue Planet, The Daily Show, The Good Wife, The Office USA, The West Wing.
...Put Michael Palin on a camel and stick him with a camera crew in any bemused country, and I'll be happy.
The six things I could never do without
- The small number of people in our lives who we know we'll know forever
- The freedom to live the lives we want to lead
- Witty conversation with people who can write and speak good
- Funny cat videos
- Funnier cat videos
- Sixth thing
I spend a lot of time thinking about
At what specific moment does a Nando's become cheeky?
On a typical Friday night I am
Not on fire.
The most private thing I’m willing to admit
I ate three Peanut Butter Magnums today. Can't find anything on the box about how much of my five-a-day they'll contribute towards?
You should message me if
- You are not on fire.
- You have a beautiful mind.
- You can hold your own ground.
- You need me to validate your parking.
- You think we'd get on as well as Kanye likes Kanye.
- You recognise the difference between knowing your shit and knowing you're shit.
- You are seeking your mortal enemy, and believe I could be it.
- You don't want to ask how I am. I'm fine thanks.

I'm recently single, so just looking for distractions and new experiences with like-minded people. I ignore 'likes' on here, they're as useful as unicorn poo. If you'd like to chat, don't be passive, just message me.

I'm mainly on here because I like updating my profile and appreciating what my younger self wrote ("Touché, last month's Callum, touché").
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