This is a very OkCupid-specific disclaimer: I'm not particularly looking to meet any poly genderqueer elf witches. Please don't put a spell on me, I just have to set the line somewhere.
I also like history, dinosaurs, Formula One, posting random stuff to people I know and waiting for their reaction, and pushing hipsters in front of moving traffic. I've never been to Thailand, so I won't bore your face off about the life-changing experience I had kissing a monkey underneath a mystic waterfall.
2016 is my official year of self reflection and personal development, and I had joined the gym and read a book a whole month before the New Year! I'm unjustifiably smug about this - let's see if I can escalate the achievements:
I went to a gym class out of curiosity, thinking it would be easy, only to be *destroyed* in body and soul for the next week. I spent Christmas watching Rocky and Mr Motivator videos, developing a masterplan to become the king of the gym.
...Not really, I ate and drank lots of chocolate and Buck's Fizz (gathering my strength for the new year).
- I have overcome magnetic resistance and become the overlord of group cycling (spinning) class.
- I paired two sets of socks that have been mismatched for the last year, confirming that I can achieve literally anything.
- I read a book about 'Mindfulness', which advocates paying proper attention to the present moment so you can maximise your experience of life. Immediately, on 12th Jan (into your diary please), I discovered a 1 Qatar Riyal note at the top of a tube escalator, equivalent to a stupendous £0.19 at today's exchange rate.
- I discovered a grey hair. This confirms my suspicion that I am in fact a wizard.
- Having tamed the exercise bike, I moved onto BodyPump classes.
- Perhaps this is 1-2 years too optimistic, however I intend to petition OkCupid to add "Greek God" to the list of body types.
- A guy called Roman once said, "Beware the Ides of March". I would have done well to take heed of this.
- March provided a perfect storm of 1) My birthday, 2) Easter, 3) Too many offers on Lindor chocolate eggs, and 4) Bastard friends.
...One cheat day, turned into a cheat weekend, then a cheat week, and finally a cheat month.
- If life was a big game of Snakes and Ladders, my progress would ultimately be down at subterranean Austrian dungeon level. Excuse me one moment whilst I powder my nose with Easter egg..
- I read Nineteen Eighty Four for the first time. It was a life-changing experience, but I haven't yet figured out how.
- A slow descent into crack-whoredom (I'll update this later).
- Winning at board games (and winding up my opponents whilst doing so).
All food is good, but sushi is better.
I enjoy most music whilst happily oblivious as to who performs it.
Making long lists of obscure hipster bands seems to be popular here however, and I do want to fit in. Gotta love a bit of Toyboy Sex-Offense Badger Blender :)
The bumper book of bunny suicides.
Alan Partridge, Breaking Bad, Band of Brothers, Dexter (If the final series never existed), Father Ted, Fawlty Towers, Game of Thrones, House of Cards, Last Week Tonight with John Oliver, Michael Palin, Orange is the New Black, Takeshi's castle, The Blue Planet, The Daily Show, The Good Wife, The Office USA, The West Wing.
...Put Michael Palin on a camel and stick him with a camera crew in any bemused country, and I'll be happy.
- The freedom to live the lives we want to lead
- Witty, self-deprecating conversation
- Funny cat videos
- Tu madre
- Sixth thing
2. At what specific moment does a Nando's become cheeky?
In that specific order.
- You have a beautiful mind.
- You can hold your own ground.
- You need me to validate your parking.
- You think we'd get on as well as Kanye likes Kanye.
- You recognise the difference between knowing your shit and knowing you're shit.
- You are seeking your mortal enemy, and believe I could be it.
- You don't want to ask how I am. I'm fine thanks :)
I'm mainly on here because I like updating my profile and reminding myself how jeffing funny I am, but hey, maybe we can send each other funny objects in the mail or something?