32Newport, United States
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My self-summary
"Hufflepuff in the streets, Slytherin in the sheets."

I usually surprise people. For example, I tend to provoke a "you used to do what?" kind of response when I tell stories. I'm pretty hilarious at the most unexpected, but appropriate of times. Feel free to ask me about the time I fought a bear, the time I stole my own car, or how awesome it is to drive an ice cream truck. They're all great examples of my hilarity, especially when I'm in a misanthropic mood.

Be independent, intelligent, and fun. I will regale you with stories of my incredible experiences and you can tell me all about how you want to punch stupid people in the face (I know that feels, bro). We can walk around Newport hunting for libations or sit on a couch and watch some Netflix while we plot our world-domination plans. Mwahahahaha.
What I’m doing with my life
Working on a goal of the flying pig half marathon 2016. Right now is about getting my 5k time faster and doing a 10k in the fall. I should probably post new pics. Apparently running 20 miles a week makes you lose weight. Who knew?

Also, I'm finishing school. I'll be a science teacher before long. Then I'll be coming to school near you to teach adolescents how to blow stuff up. And isn't that really what everybody wants in their science teacher?
I’m really good at
Making friends with salespeople.
Writing hilarious haikus.
Lurking on reddit.
Forgetting to flip the calendar to the next month.
Driving a stick shift.
Armchair quarterbacking.
Not taking okcupid too seriously.
Stealing pens from my bank.
The first things people usually notice about me
My style. People tend to compliment me on my cool coat or scarf, etc. I've been getting a lot of compliments shouted to me as I whiz by on my bike since it's... distinctive (it's pepto-bismol pink). Don't judge me.
Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
His Dark Materials, books by John Green, Harry Potter, Hunger Games, classic scifi, books by Octavia Butler

Avatar: The Last Airbender, Archer, Modern Family, Scandal, Misfits, Downton, Star Trek, Game of Thrones, Sherlock, 30 Rock, Good Eats
Does youtube count as tv? I tend to spend a lot of time on youtube. Don't judge me! There's more than just cat videos. Most of my subscriptions are educational or at least intellectually entertaining. Think MentalFloss, minutephysics, CGPGrey, and crashcourse.

I love quirky indie movies like Juno, Saved, or Lars and the Real Girl, but I can watch anything. Next favorite genre is probably scifi like The Fifth Element or Star Trek.

Eisley, Sleigh Bells, Killers, Stars, The Magic Numbers, Vampire Weekend, Seedy Seeds. That should give you a good idea of my musical tastes.

Where do I put NPR or podcasts or the NFL channel radio? Are those considered a subcategory of music since you listen to them?
Six things I could never do without
books, especially in nook form
beer (and I mean good beer, preferably as dark as me or darker)
Coffee grinder
football (yes, American football, not soccer, you pretentious snob.)
the interwebs
toaster oven
(Seven items? I think I just made this section my bitch.)
I spend a lot of time thinking about
If there are any Ingress portals nearby to hack.
If the Bengals will win the Super Bowl in my lifetime.
Tomorrow's running music.
The controversy over the oxford comma.
How Neil DeGrasse Tyson became such a badass.
On a typical Friday night I am
Straddling the line between awesome and awkward.
The most private thing I’m willing to admit
I find Alton Brown's voice oddly soothing.
You should message me if
At least one of these is true.

1. You know why I have a female dog named "George".
2. You know what "DFTBA" means
3. You think you can introduce me to an IPA that I will actually like.
4. You will refer to memes in conversation.
5. You are the real life equivalent of Ron Swanson, Burton 'Gus' Guster, or Doc Martin, or Geordi LaForge.
6. You want to go skydiving.
7. You'd like to take in some cool local music.
The two of us