39Berkeley, United States
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My self-summary
I'm not interested in extended phone calls before first dates.


Something that really resonates with me is this:

"So I am going to commit that ultimate of non-chill acts: I’m going to be a woman making an emotional demand. If you — any you; me too— are going to have sex with a woman, with a queer person, with any other socially vulnerable human being, it is your job to not only not-rape them (for the umpteenth time to quote the celestial Maya, “Seriously, God help us if the best we can say about the sex we have is that it was consensual.”) — it’s your job to consciously and actively accommodate them. To recognize that they will have needs and hangups that are socially produced, and to do the emotional and intellectual labor necessary to accommodate these needs and hangups.

This looks different for different people in different kinds of sexual arrangements, but there are several common tenets: Active communication; active practice of consent; active affirmation that your sexual partners are people with independent human value, beyond their value to your genitals."

(from http://feministing.com/2016/08/30/stop-expecting-women-to-be-chill-about-sex/)

There are a couple of things I learned when I was a kid... I can't
really say for sure where I learned them, but it would be
reasonable to point to my parents. Both of these things seem to be somewhat core to how I approach the world.

The first thing is that when you come to a gate in your path that
you must go through, you should always leave the gate the way you found it, barring external direction otherwise.

The second is that when you're using a machine, it has a "feel"
when things are working right, and a distinctly different "feel"
when it's not working right. It's important to be sensitive to this
"feel", and to investigate and address any changes over time.
(Note: this doesn't just apply to machines, really.)


I like to share.

I pursue direct, clear communications.

I (like to think that I) have a very open mind.

I generally find negativity to be a big turn-off.
What I’m doing with my life
One thing that I really like to do is cook for people... often large groups of people. I have no professional experience in this realm, but I hear I'm not bad at it and it brings me a lot of happiness.
I’m really good at
The first things people usually notice about me
People seem to notice something I've done before they notice me. Usually it was something good.
Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
Caveat: I feel keenly aware of the inherent limitations in trying to quantify tastes in creative works simply by creating an abridged list of said.

These days books generally only come out when I am for whatever reason without an uplink. In those cases, I tend towards nonfiction... especially travel journals, pop anthropology, revisionist history (from the perspective of my US public education background), and books about how humans impact their environment. Authors with multiple works on my bookshelves include Marc Reisner, Charles C. Mann, Rick Steves, Jered Diamond, Eric Hansen, Bill Bryson, and Richard Feynman. I am highly suspicious of anything written by Malcolm Gladwell.

In the past I have enjoyed fiction from the likes of Neal Stephenson, Alex Garland, Tom Clancy, Douglas Adams, Raymond Carver, and Mark Twain.

I honestly spend more time watching the meme of the week than any other video content.

In my personal library you will find a lot of classic rock, reggae, jam bands, psytrance, ambient, downtempo, trip-hop, and female vocalists. I seem to enjoy any music when it is performed live outdoors with so much dancing that the earth shakes. I'm also especially fond of cross-genre remixes, and songs remade in completely different genres from their original.

When I am working, I am often listening to a pandora feed that was initially seeded from Shpongle, RJD2, William Orbit, Airpushers, The Orb, Beats Antique, The Avalanches, Moondog, and I Monster.

Also, Groove Salad and Lush from soma fm.

In the car, I listen to podcasts... Marketplace, The California Report, This American Life, Forum, and Talk of the Nation, among others. I used to listen to Savage Love but I kind of got bored of his rantiness.

I really, really like food. All of it, except: eggplant, most shellfish, and food that is overly fried or drowned in condiments.
Six things I could never do without
I spend a lot of time thinking about
These days, the subjects of consent, intention, and privilege seem to be on my mind quite a lot.
On a typical Friday night I am
Dressed up at a party, or not dressed in the hottub.
The most private thing I’m willing to admit
I think "slut" is a positive word. I enjoy associating with people who are slutty.

When I make small mistakes at work, millions of people are impacted. Sometimes I get to read about my mistakes in mainstream media.

I find openness to be a huge turn-on. And on the flip-side, lack of openness can be a pretty big turn-off.

I am particularly sensitive to my cat's emotional state of mind. If you're not nice about sharing my bed with her, she will be irked.

I do not find short hair on women to be particularly attractive, but I have accepted the fact that many women who I am attracted to choose to have short hair.

I tend to be uncomfortable around people who are yelling.

I hate phone calls. For real. I have a really hard time carrying on meaningful conversations on the phone, especially over bad cell phone connections. If you feel like we need to talk on the phone before we can meet, we are not a match.

I love being held. I like most forms of affection, a lot.

I enjoy (and often prefer) dates that involve more than two people.

I can be pretty kinky (at least by the standards of the general population), but I don't tend to wear it on my sleeve amongst strangers. My kink has not historically involved much in the way of negotiated power exchange but I have become more curious about it recently. I am attracted to people who enjoy being fetishized, and to people who own their sexual pleasure.

I am not particularly prone to monogamy, at least at this point in my life. Many of my relationships have contained aspects of polyamory, swinging, or both. These days, I have found that I am most interested in exploring other relationships with my partner (singular)... I daydream about a life partner with whom I can both build a family, and explore all of the recesses of human interaction and pleasure. I would likely be happy in a relationship described as "monogamish".

I like to get stoned. If you assume this means I spend a lot of time sitting around on the couch with the munchies and the TV remote, we're probably not a match.

I don't take money very seriously. If this is a problem for you and you're not interested in stepping up to that responsibility in a shared life, we're probably also not a match.

I think people should be nice to each other... men to women, women to men, men to men, women to women... This seems like obvious stuff to me, but for some reason I feel the need to put it in my profile. I like people who think (and expect) the same. If you expect anything else from your relationships, we might have a hard time connecting. In a similar vein, I will only mind you talking about your exes if you are telling me about all of the douchey things they did to you. Putting all of this another way, I have a very low tolerance for emotionally abusive relationships.

I love meat. Preferably barbecued or smoked, but roasted, braised, or even pan-fried will do. I don't have to eat it with every meal, but I can't imagine I will ever stop eating it. That said, I feel fortunate that I live in a part of the country where I can actually choose to buy meat that is raised under circumstances that don't turn my stomach. It might be more expensive, but it sure does taste better.
You should message me if
You like to share.
The two of us