29 Astoria, United States
Join today
Find great matches with our advanced matching system!
Join today
Find great matches with our advanced matching system!
My self-summary
It baffles me how much people complain about filling this out. Is it that hard to find a couple of nice and interesting things to say about yourself?

I don't really comprehend many of the generic things peopled say on here like "I don't take myself too seriously"... but sure, why not? Or "I live my life to the fullest". Who lives their life to the emptiest? No one is sitting on here talking about their anger management issues, or their stint in drug rehab...(neither of those apply to me in case you were wondering)

When picking pictures I made sure to pick the following...

One with a dog (Newton isn't mine, so if you are just here for the dog click along)
One at a wedding.
One with friends and cocktails.
One guest judging on the voice.
A few randoms including one in the ocean, one imitating an 90's safety photo, one in a prop filled photo booth, one sharing a men's bathroom with a teddy bear, and the essential funny face picture...and lastly I couldn't find one of me staring into the distance in deep thought so I chose staring down a turkey's ass...how cliche of me.

Before I finish I should answer some questions about life and love so the "staff robot" can formulaically assign a percent to how much we should like each other.

At this point you've seen a still of me about to get to third base with a turkey, but you don't know my name...I'm Stuart by the way.

But in all reality, I smile big, laugh hard and sometimes fall hard, but when I do I always jump back up. I don't understand people who have their "nice sneakers". Isn't the point of sneakers to live life in them. I have dress shoes to look nice, and sneakers to live life in. Granted my dress shoes also look like I've lived in them as well, but being my shoes is a hard job.

If you are still here you should probably scroll down to read more...the following questions (as you know because you did this too) are a little more specific.
What I’m doing with my life
Trying to put a smiles on faces. I believe that is what life is about...but I don't think that was how I am supposed to answer this question.

A few years ago I finished a 5 year stint as the Production Coordinator for an event company that hosts dance competitions for kids across the USA. Basically I was that guy that had to fix anything...and I mean ANYTHING that went wrong. I think Delta Airlines hates me because of this. My duties ranged from loading semi trucks to being a human jungle gym.

After deciding I didn't want to live out of a suitcase my entire life, I had a few different jobs in the hospitality industry. I'm currently running a non-profit after-school arts enrichment program at a public school as well as bartending a few nights a week to shake things up. I also freelance event manage on the side. I recently coordinated my first wedding and I'm trying to run from there. I also host trivia on Wednesdays.

I have a very bizarre schedule...I hope you are cool with that!
I’m really good at
Clearly I'm good at making fun of myself...don't worry I'm just as good at making fun of you.

I'm really good at talking and listening. It amazes me how many people don't realize it takes mouths AND ears to have a conversation.

But back to what I'm really good at. Bowling (seriously), cooking holiday meals for friends, Baggo (cornhole as some call it), making myself laugh, making you laugh, not caring if I'm the only person in the room that laughs at my jokes and being accident prone.

I'm also an exceptionally gifted sleeper. I can sleep anywhere, at any time. Especially airplanes...I don't think I've gotten my free soda on a flight for years.
The first things people usually notice about me
I frequently get told at work that I look funny.

I assume that means they think I look like I'm a funny person. I'm probably wrong.

Also more recently there is a lot of talk about my facial hair.
Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
I'm pretty diverse in my taste...this sounds like perfect first date conversation.

But...Have you heard of Johnnyswim? They are my new music obsession. If not you should watch this video...


And then this one...


Oh and this Sara Bareilles cover of Chandelier is also perfection

The six things I could never do without
1. Family & Friends (same thing, some you are just stuck with)
2. Laughter
3. Hugs
4. Music
5. Black Coffee - preferably iced
6. I think I'm going to save number 6 for an emergency. Like if the oxygen mask comes down while I'm on a plane...my family/friends, laughter, hugs, music nor black coffee are going to do me any good. In that moment the oxygen mask will be my #6
I spend a lot of time thinking about
A lot of things...

Speedos are weird...unless you are in a race.

This whole masculine/feminine thing. I mean compared to RuPaul I'm pretty masculine, but compared to Hulk Hogan or Leila Ali I'm a pussy. I like watching football, playing baseball, know my way around a tool box, and like hiking and that kind of stuff. I can't change my own oil (if I had a car) and if there is a mouse in the house I might stand on a chair. I just very recently learned that Manolo Blahniks are shoes in a game of Taboo and I had to Google Manolo Blahniks to find out how to spell it.

I REALLY want to learn how to play the Banjo...is that weird?

Soon to be - You?
On a typical Friday night I am
Who has typical Friday nights?

Not gonna lie you probably won't find me out at the club.

I'm more of a dive bar/beer/darts or cookout/board games/whiskey kind of guy.
The most private thing I’m willing to admit
Private, or Funny and Embarrassing? I'm gonna go with funny and embarrassing. I have a scar on my forehead because a coconut fell off a palm tree and knocked me out.

But also I drool a lot in my sleep...like A LOT!
You should message me if
-You can make the best out of any situation
-You want to find someone to live/learn/laugh through life with
-You can dive into any situation head first
-You can teach me how to parallel park...seriously I don't know how
-I will pick the "t-shirt and jeans" guy over the one trying really hard (almost) every time.

Oh and monogamy is VERY important to me...if that isn't your thing move along (seriously it's a deal breaker)