Until now I've resisted actually talking about my relationship status, because I'd like it to look like what it actually is: inconsequential to my dating experience. That has not been the reception I have received so far, so perhaps it's time for further study. Without further ado:
Except perhaps in regards to the only limited resource of consequence (time), I'm your average-chances single girl. I'm looking for first dates, and also lasting relationships, and also casual encounters if I'm feelin' it, and also maybe just friends. I'm not more likely to respond enthusiastically to your hookup requests, or less likely to take you seriously as a potential partner for that matter, just because I'm (happily, thank you for asking) seeing someone. I'm looking for love just like the rest of the schmucks, and I'd be happy to explain it in more detail over a drink if you play your cards right. Just take me at my word here: it's not as threatening, complicated, or sinister as you might imagine. It works. I work. And I'd be happy to show you around the neighborhood if you can follow Weaton's first law of the Internet.
When I grow up I wanna be a tinker. I'll live in a bus, tend a witch's garden, and sell hemp jewelry on the side of the road. Master's degree (in behavior analysis) be damned.
No, wait. I take it back. I give pretty good advice, or so they say, and I give one HELL of a massage. I do a mean tarot spread, because I think tarot might be a really great psychological instrument. Also, I don't know if this will turn you on, or what, but I could kick your ass in Tetris Attack, and quote almost every line in The Matrix.
THINGS I WISH I WERE GOOD AT: Lock-picking, bow-hunting, bar-tending, rock-climbing, and speed-reading. (and, obviously, mind-reading. That one's a work in progress.)
(b) I <3 Huckabeees, The Fountain, Practical Magic, The Matrix, Powder, Harold and Maude, Amelie, Her
(c) When I first joined OKC they didn't include shows in this question! Whaaaat! Adventure Time is the best show on television. Seriously. It is the children's show kids deserve. Also, Gilmore Girls, Firefly, New Girl, Steven Universe!
(d) MUSIC. I have more music than I could listen to in a lifetime, and yet I keep collecting. Nick Drake is my soulmate.
(e) Mmm. Food. I like food. I eat vegan about 80% of the time, but I never call myself a vegan. I'm a sushi fiend, a junk food junkie, and a breakfast-aholic. I'll try anything twice (and I'll probably like it), but when it comes to food, I'm a cheap date. Gimme some Taco Bell or maybe a Frosty from Wendy's, and we'll be friends forever.
a) I could never "do" anything without an action verb or modifier, hello.
b) I couldn't LIVE without: water, air, food, sunlight, etc. I'm like a flower. (Oh, what's that? I'm not the only one, you say? What?!)
c) I couldn't live in the style to which I'm accustomed without: Frankenstein (that's my computer); VV Blue (that's my car); Worthington (that's my cell phone); music; hot water; and the English language.
d) Finally, I could not live the life that is uniquely mine without:
1. the way grass feels at 3 in the morning.
2. that moment when the irritation you feel at the overstimulating, undersatisfying world around you becomes for a moment sublime and everlasting Oneness.
3. my sweet real-world tetris skills, my pervasive childhood love of maps, and my innate sense of direction. (i.e, Best. Traveler. Ever. This is the underutilized trait combo of my life.)
4. things that vibrate.
5. Visual aids. (This is probably cheating because a bunch of my favourite things are Visual Aids Which Exist to Improve Your Life. I would argue that color wheels and the periodic table and venn diagram jokes and the Karma Sutra are all of this category, and vitally important to our lives. Clearly that's a bunch of important things, not one. Cheater, cheater.)
6. the first, perfect sip of each and every cup of coffee. Also, the first taste of every IPA, margarita, and man I've ever had.
I want someone who agrees with me, but I need someone who will argue.
I want someone (something) practical, but I always have my head in the clouds.
I want wild passion, but I never put both feet in.
I want a super-successful career, but I need a family.
I want a man whose weapon is his mind, but I think a man who works with his hands is dead sexy.
I want a man who is ambitious, but I find people who are restless or dissatisfied highly alarming.
I want to find someone who is fierce and creative and insatiable in bed, but who doesn't think from his pants.
I want someone who feels dependable, but I loathe the moment I find him predictable.
Well, I think you see my point. The worst (best) part is this: I don't usually think this impossible laundry list is a contradiction at all. Men of the internet beware. This is an honest look into the woman's psyche. We are all this complicated.
So you should message me if any of these things apply: You believe in physical laws. You believe in transcendence. You know the answer to my opposite/like dilemma. You want to talk to me. You want to know me better. You want to flirt a little. You want to fall in love. You think you can teach me a sweet skill that I don't yet possess.
You should definitely message me if you can demonstrate this highly attractive skill: If I perchance ask "How was your day?", you can reliably answer with something cleverer than, "fine."
You should message me immediately after you read Nicole Daedone so you can tell me your thoughts:
How to fuck a turned on woman
A letter of apology to men
Having spent many years on this website, here are the reasons you should probably NOT message me. if you have nothing better to say than "hey gurl ur hawt hit me bak at ### ### ####." If you have no picture, profile information, and no profile matches. And listen, I know that my profile is long, but you don't get brownie points for reading the whole thing. Especially if you misquote it or didn't bother to understand my point.