31Gainesville, United States
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My self-summary
If I had to define myself as just one thing, I'm a writer. I do it for a living, and I have PhD in English, so I think I can support that claim.

I studied British Romantic poetry for the better part of a decade--well, as best I could at UF--but school didn't stop me from getting an education. I'm a big fan of philosophy and science lit. I also have a slow-burning passion for economics and mathematics. Oh, and kitchen sinks.

Aside from word-related stuff, I chill with my dog, take walks, and plot the salvation or enslavement of the human race (it’s still sort of up in the air). I also make time for games that involve cards or boards or dice (or all three). It’s not nerdy; you’re just boring.

And, just to be honest, I don't smoke cigarettes, but I do vape. Felt like I should mention that since I'm listed as a nonsmoker.
What I’m doing with my life
I used to write academic content for laughably bad standardized tests, but that was kind of bullshit, so I stopped. At the moment I'm working on a kid's story about the black plague (no, seriously) and spit-shining a novel solicited by an independent press.

At the moment, I'm also binging on Nietzsche. Like, all of it.
I’m really good at
Sarcasm. I'm an expert. Someone once told me so, and they drew a little picture to prove it.
The first things people usually notice about me
[insert your first impression here]
Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
There's way too much awesome stuff in the world to list what I like at any given moment. But here's a bunch of stuff that I've compiled over the years:

Books (fiction and non-): Blake's poetry, Lovecraft's fiction, anything with Douglas Adams' name on it, Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas, House of Leaves, Godel Escher Bach, A Thousand Plateaus, Narrative Unbound, The Tree of Knowledge, A Canticle for Leibowitz, John Dies at the End, This Book is Full of Spiders, Skullcrack City, Extinction Journals, The Magicians

TV: Dexter, Xavier: Renegade Angel, Squidbillies, South Park, Doctor Who, Invader Zim, House, Big Bang Theory, Battlestar Galactica, Firefly, AbFab, Breaking Bad, Eastbound and Down, Workaholics, It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia, Game of Thrones, Buffy, The Newsroom, Frisky Dingo, Archer, Mr. Robot

Movies: The Big Lebowski, Snatch, The Fountain, Helvetica, Objectified, In the Realms of the Unreal, Scott Pilgrim vs. The World, Pacific Rim, Troll Hunter, John Dies at the End, Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas

Music: Steely Dan, The Gorillaz, Mark Farina, Flying Lotus, Miles Davis, Daft Punk, Girl Talk, MF Doom, DangerMouse, Fatboy Slim, Herbaliser, Scissor Sisters, Fleetwood Mac (the Nicks & Buckingham lineup), ELO, Cosmo Sheldrake, Nujabes, Ta-Ku, Tokimonsta, Sublime, ELO, LA Takedown, Martin Denny, Les Baxter

Theatre: Arcadia (and everything else by Stoppard), Oleana, Waiting for Godot, True West, Les Mis. Shakespeare, of course.

Games: good ol'-fashioned poker, D&D, CoC, MtG, Fluxx, Forbidden Desert, Cards Against Humanity, Pathfinder, Scythe
Six things I could never do without
good books
my dog
a pair of running shoes
the universe
being able to count to six
I spend a lot of time thinking about
Shit, did I remember to lock the front door?
On a typical Friday night I am
Sitting somewhere. Possibly walking.
The most private thing I’m willing to admit
I'm actually the second emperor of the United States.
You should message me if
You know some words and how to use them.

If you're seeking a free ride or a webcam sucker, these aren't the droids you're looking for.
The two of us