xCleverUsername
28Denver, United States
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xCleverUsername
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My self-summary
Hey, I'm Justin. So quickly about myself. I'm a chef by trade, teach at a university in Denver and work as a freelance writer and photographer for a couple local publications. Recently, I've been performing at comedy clubs around town and have been creating YouTube videos and podcasts, all of which I enjoy doing but am not great at yet.

I like talking to random people about random things: from physics, to food, to why nobody likes mimes (it's because they're evil). I'm kind of awkwardly charismatic but far too sarcastic for my own good. I like long walks on the beach and weird sex fetishes (I'm kidding. I hate the beach). I love to travel and would love to have someone to travel with. I also have an American Eskimo named Loki. He is the coolest person I know and I sometimes consider forming a detective agency with him. I would change his name to Furlock Bones.

What I hope to find... someone smart and quirky that will make fun of me when I'm not clever enough to make fun of them. Someone who will have deep conversations with me about life, or the world, or why candy corn taste so terrible. Someone to get lost with, to have adventures with. Someone who makes me a better person just by being around them. Or, if nothing else, someone who owns a pet monkey. I've always wanted a monkey best friend.
What I’m doing with my life
I use to think that everyone but me knew the answer to this. Now I think that everyone, like me, is just pretending to.

The short answer, I have no idea. The long answer, I want to do everything — to see, and do, and learn everything that I can. Pursue every passion, follow every whim, make every mistake, and chase every duck.
I’m really good at
Wearing pants. Seriously, I'm very good at it.

I'm also really good with people. Give me a room full of shy, awkward people and I will have them singing Billy Joel within the hour.
The first things people usually notice about me
That I am not a large black man.

Also, I can be fairly sarcastic right away (feign shock), which can take a second to get used to. I think I'm a very sincere and empathetic person (that's what my mom tells me) but sarcasm can come off as asshole-ism.
Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
An incomplete list...
Books: Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy, Lolita, Notes from the Underground, One Hundred Years of Solitude, If You Meet the Buddha on the Road Kill Him, Enders Game, Brandon Sanderson, etc. I really do love books.
Movies: Most Mel Brooks Movies, Eurotrip, Fight Club, Sherlock Homes, The Avengers, Boondock Saints, Dr. Horrible's, Tucker & Dale Vs. Evil, and everything else on Netlix.
Shows: Community, Arrested Development, Archer, Doctor Who, Venture Bros, Futurama, House, Flight of the Concords, damn you Netflix...
Music: Pretty much everything. Bad Religion, Arctic Monkies, Dropkick Murphy's, Childish Gambino, and a bunch more.
Food: Everything. This one is important to me. If you don't like food, we probably won't get along. Though I'm particularly fond of sushi and thai.
Six things I could never do without
1. My dog
2. Good food
3. Good beer
4. Good books
5. Spending time with friends
6. Travel
I spend a lot of time thinking about
If instead of talking to your plants, you yelled a them, would they still grow? Only to be troubled and insecure?
On a typical Friday night I am
Stealing penguins from the zoo. They're like little people in tuxedos.

Sans that, craft beer and a board game with friends, or poker somewhere, or convincing strangers to play skeeball with me.
The most private thing I’m willing to admit
That I can still be awkward and insecure like everyone else. Dating is hard, and it sucks, and I don't want to do it. I want to start a relationship 2 years in, where we're both comfortable farting in front of each other and can travel around the world eating everything.
You should message me if
You like food, or spontaneously going on adventures, or getting lost, or being ok with doing absolutely nothing and eating takeout while watching netflix. The world is a better place when you have someone next to you making sarcastic comments.
More
The two of us
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