xCleverUsername
28 Denver, United States
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xCleverUsername
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My self-summary
I think that I am very good at pretending to be an adult. I pay bills, I sometimes buy adult clothes, and every once and awhile I eat a carrot. The problem is, I don't like it. I like getting lost, eating too much expensive food, or reading in the park when I should be working. My dog is the coolest person I know and I sometimes consider forming a detective agency with him.

Anyway, so a little about myself. I'm unfortunately ambitious to a fault. I want to do and learn everything and am currently trying to figure out how to do that. I'm a chef by trade, but I don't really cook professionally anymore. Though I still do love cooking. I'm currently a teacher at a university in Denver and a freelance writer and photographer for a couple local publications. I consult for a company that opens restaurants and am currently trying to start my own company, whatever the hell that means.

I like talking to random people about random things; from physics, to food, to why nobody likes mimes (it's because their evil). I'm awkwardly charismatic but far too sarcastic for my own good. I like long walks on the beach and weird sex fetishes (I'm just kidding, I hate the beach). I love to travel and would love to have someone to travel with. I also have an American Eskimo named Loki. He's awesome.

What I hope to find.... someone smart and quirky, that will make fun of me when I'm not clever enough to make fun of them. Someone who will have deep conversations with me about life, or the world, or why candy corn taste so terrible. Someone to get lost with, to have adventures with. Someone who makes me a better person just by being around them. Or, if nothing else, someone who owns a pet monkey. I've always wanted a monkey best friend.
What I’m doing with my life
I've always wanted to eat the "worlds biggest something". That's what I'm doing. I hope it's a taco.
I’m really good at
Wearing pants. Seriously, I'm very good at it.
The first things people usually notice about me
That I am not a large black man.
Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
An incomplete list...
Books: Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy, Lolita, Notes from the Underground, One Hundred Years of Solitude, If You Meet the Buddha on the Road Kill Him, Enders Game, etc.
Movies: Most Mel Brooks Movies, Eurotrip, Fight Club, Sherlock Homes, The Avengers, Boondock Saints, Dr. Horrible's, Tucker & Dale Vs. Evil, and everything else on netlix.
Shows: Community, Arrested Development, Archer, Doctor Who, Venture Bros, Futurama, House, Flight of the Concords, damn you netflix...
Music: Pretty much everything. Bad Religion, Arctic Monkies, Dropkick Murphy's, Childish Gambino, and a bunch more.
Food: Everything. This one is important to me. If you don't like food, I don't like you. Though I'm particularly fond of sushi and thai.
The six things I could never do without
1. Making lists
B. My ability to make lists
7. My ability to count
4. My tenacity and ability to finish anything I sta
I spend a lot of time thinking about
If instead of talking to your plants, you yelled a them, would they still grow? Only to be troubled and insecure?
On a typical Friday night I am
Stealing penguins from the zoo. They're like little people in tuxedos.
The most private thing I’m willing to admit
That I spent far too long trying to think of clever and witty things to answer these questions with in the hopes that the inevitable four people who actually read them will think that my sarcasm and wit make up for my egotism and mediocre looks (I'm just kidding, I'm gorgeous and not narcissistic).
You should message me if
You're different. Normal is boring. I'd like to know what you are passionate or ambitious about, no matter how innocuous it may be. Passions and drives make people interesting. Very few people in this world are interesting, I'd like to meet the few that are.

.... Or if you own a monkey. I've always wanted to meet a monkey.
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