The "you should message me if" section is the most important. Read that if nothing else.
My name is Jenny.
I'm kind of awkward socially. It's cute, I promise.
I'm not religious. I don't believe in absolute morality. I have morals, but they are born of such things as empathy and a desire for social cohesion. I love beautiful scenery and buildings, especially in spring and summer. On the right day, English countryside is unsurpassable in its beauty. I like to lie in the grass and feel the ants walking over my stomach and legs. They accept me as part of the landscape.
I want to have sex all the time. Call me!
Don't call me really. You fat, unsavoury bastard.
I work for a company in the engineering sector. Supposedly my job is to manage workloads and improve KPIs, but I mainly spend my time extorting snacks from browbeaten colleagues and making up alternative lyrics for well known pop songs. Which isn't annoying at all.
My most harrowing job was probably a few years back when I worked for a very elderly lady artist. She was rheumatoid, bedridden and mostly blind. I basically just typed stuff up, tried to decipher her baffling notes, researched boring dead people, and sorted through endless cardboard boxes of junk. Sometimes I got hungry and had to eat the crumbs I could scrape out from between the floorboards. It reminded me of my years as a Russian peasant in Turkmenistan, so I spent much of my time weeping, overwhelmed by horrific and vivid flashbacks. This made it difficult to get much work done, and the lady artist was not frugal with her beating-stick. "Akylsyz topbak!" she'd scream at me. "Bikar gacgak!" Every curse from that twisted Slavic mouth made part of my soul shrivel and die. There's not much left now.
I'm agile, like a goat.
So, yeah, loads of cool stuff.
FILMS: The same as books, with some sci fi thrown in. The Lord of the Rings, Mononoke-hime, The Matrix, etc. I also enjoy a horror film, of the supernatural rather than blood and gore persuasion.
TV: My top three, in order, are The Tribe, Buffy and Lost. The only current TV programme I'm really into is The Walking Dead.
MUSIC: I like folk, because the melodies are pretty and the words are bittersweet. And old school soul and R&B. I think that a lot of liturgical music is absolutely beautiful.
FOOD: My favourite foods are carbohydrates, dairy and saturated fat. Unfortunately for half the year all I can eat is chicken breast, green beans and protein cookies.
GAMES: Because games are important too. My favourite games tend to be minimalistic and beautiful. Journey, Ico, Pokémon, Zelda (Oracle of Time and Ages), Abe's Oddysee, Limbo, The Fall, SOMA, Portal. But not Portal 2. I strongly believe that anybody who thinks Portal 2 is as good as Portal has completely missed the art and subtlety of Portal.
Goggly is the single thing I cannot do without, but do without I must. My descent into madness has been slow, but I think people are definitely starting to notice.
I've got no tits, but my bum's ok.
I'm kind of a brat. I do try to behave, but you'll probably need to keep me in line occasionally. If you reward me when I'm good, and discipline me when I'm not, I can really become quite obedient.
DO NOT MESSAGE ME IF you are nervous, moody, mawkish, conservative, easily offended, unenthusiastic, lazy, messy, unwilling to lead, 'goofy' (whatever the fuck that means, but I'm seeing it far too often in people's profiles), wear jogging bottoms for any event other than a work out, have shortened your name such that it ends with a 'y'. I'm serious.
I hate it when men just start talking about sex right away, like desperate, horny teenage boys.
You should also read some of my match questions first.