46East Peoria, United States
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My self-summary
Another update as of 2015: I am STILL happily married and NOT looking for anything more. The friend I posted about here also met someone via online dating.

An update, as of 2008: I am MARRIED to a man I met--no joke--here on OKCupid. Ironically, we had lived in Chicago and played in the same underground music scene, but never met. Even more bizarre: we had both left Chicago to go back to college in Central IL; we met after joining this site. Life, timing, and the undercurrents of the universe are amazing. I do have a few friends that occasionally send messages through this site, so I'm going to keep this profile up and leave the original info in tact below. Maybe I should also add: making new friends here is still fine by me, as long as it's understood I'm NOT INTERESTED in ANYTHING MORE! I've also changed majors (sounds silly at my age) and am now studying digital media/design. I still want achieve my mobile art class dream (see below)--but came to the conclusion that No Child Left Behind is definitely leaving art programs behind...and several other subjects too, really.


Caught somewhere between the artistic and the practical, I approach life with a sense of wonder at the simple (the way light plays on a surface of a field or object) and marvel at the mundane (paying bills) trials of everyday existence.

I would like to say that I believe in romance supreme, but feel that I'm old enough to know better. At this point I am simply searching for new friends and acquaintances with a minor hope that I may one day meet someone that knows the difference between simple love and a real relationship. Love tends to wax and wane; real relationships require more attention and work- a partnership that faces all of lifes' ups and downs, embraces the static realities of basic survival (need to eat, etc) and the continual unfolding of personalities: an evolutionary process involving two people. Complicated, indeed! I have decided that I would rather not have kids (even though I'd be a great mother) than have them with just anyone, or just for the sake of having them.

So there you have it...part cynic, part dreamer. More willing to be alone as age encroaches, but oddly hopeful that it won't always be as such. I often describe myself as emotionally retarded, thanks to some bad experiences, yet I don't feel so screwed up that I am damaged goods. Am I cautious with me heart? Yes. Am I buried treasure waiting to be discovered? Yes, but you'll have to be willing to do some digging if you want to win me over.

Wow me with your brain. Make me laugh. Discussion of books is a bonus. Appreciation of the arts preferred. La de da de da...etc, etc, etc.

I am artistic, silly, and passionate
What I’m doing with my life
After a failed marriage to a younger man, I decided to abandon a somewhat successful career in retail sales and management. This means I moved from Chicago to small city USA and returned to college. It's a slow process; I may graduate by the time I'm 40. I want to teach art, ideally to form a non for profit organization that takes classes to school districts that can't afford art programs. I'm not guaranteed to succeed at the latter, but prefer to give it my best, rather than eek out a living doing something less rewarding with my life.
I’m really good at
drawing, painting, collage, reading, reading in between the lines, conjecture, flirting, singing, doing a little soft-shoe, listening, talking, sniggering, eating popcorn with straws held like chopsticks, understanding opposing viewpoints and still disagreeing, sneezing three times in a row, star gazing, not giving a crap about Hollywood stars, turning off the TV, listening to Blues Before Sunrise and This American Life, tying my shoes, tying your shoes, making chili, understanding similar viewpoints and agreeing, voting, cleaning the bathroom, brushing my teeth, ignoring religious zealots, annoying over-the-top conservatives, being loyal, taking time out for friends, choosing cheap wine, drinking expensive wine, playing Scrabble (travel version=one of the best inventions of the 21st century), pretending to be a dumb blond when it's handy, asking more questions than I should, answering fewer questions than asked, openly bitching about The System and feeling powerless to change it, escapism, choosing fruits and veggies at the supermarket, rolling my tounge, spending time alone, talking to strangers, feeling like a social outcast and not caring if I am, making obscure references to Kids in the Hall skits, sharpening pencils, not being scared of spiders or other bugs, doing my best in spite of it all, shooting rubber bands, stream of consciousness typing, wishing there was a more practical use for Silly String, tangling yo-yo string, playing botchi ball, unraveling the secret desires of the human heart and re-raveling them, eating meat, laughing at the futility of it all, planning my next move, running to my car in a downpour, opening cans, choosing oven mitts that coordinate with kitchens and dining rooms, building my hopes up, thinking geeks are sex-y, telling people when they have food caught in their teeth, wearing my heart on my sleeve, tinkering with reality, having a sometimes flippant attitude about the nature of human existence, reading to much into other peoples comments, flying kites, making up my mind, changing it, putting mascara on other people, making a mess with chalk pastels, filing paperwork when I have to, denying the way that the world is declining, reclining with the declining world, following directions, finding my way across busy streets without getting hit by cabs-buses-inconsiderate drivers, being concerned about the religious "right" imposing their beliefs on people like me, pumping gas, wishing for a better life, making a better life for the future, talking to and snuggling with my pet bird (a quaker parrot), being immersed in city life, sleeping in a sleeping bag-outside on a camping trip, painting my toenails but not my fingernails, tripping over my own feet when I walk, dancing to unusual music, buttering toast in a hurry, naming other peoples babies, spelling poorly, cussing in languages other than English, writing mediocre poetry, sharing, kissing, sleeping to late to be productive in the winter, studying, giving speeches, starting over, opening my mind to new ideas, following through on promises, giving massages, toiling for a job well done, faking foreign accents, surfing the net, providing minor tech support to family, tickling unsuspecting people, openly admitting that I don't know it all, trying to learn more, feeling like a single brush stroke in a overwhelmingly large universe, wondering what will happen next, happening, foiling the plans of evil doers, driving my car, walking on old or overgrown pathways in the woods, washing dogs, making mountains out of molehills, shoveling snow off of sidewalks, planting myself in the middle of a room and people watching, sketching people/places/things from memory, typing more random things than most people will likely have the patience to read, choosing a restaurant that will please more than 2 in a party of 5, throwing golf balls, swearing to never make the same mistakes, making some of the same mistakes anyway, alphabetizing my books by author, arranging my CDs by genre-caring little about the alphabet, wishing I had better technology, praying for warmer weather, waiting out the heatwave, cutting through traffic, merging, pretending to listen in classes that bore me, clipping my nails into the trash can, wiggling my eyebrows, finding parking in Lincoln Park, mourning the masses, admitting when I am wrong, wronging when I am admitted, drinking room temperature water, faking the words to songs I don't know, goofing off online, picking out fine chocolates, purchasing office supplies, telling it like it is, liking it as it could be, being, fighting the urge to scream in public, ya-ya-ing instead of clapping, scrambling eggs, tip-toeing through the house, putting up with bullshit for a paycheck, guessing peoples nationality or heritage, plucking eyebrows, finding large noses sexy, making strangers nervous with a glance, melting peoples' suspicions with a smile, hugging, hiding my hardware store fetish, wondering why we exist, existing in a dream world, throwing caution to the wind, getting winded climbing two flights of stairs, losing at arm wrestling, reading tarot cards, being a skeptic, chewing serveral times before swallowing food, making lunchtime quality at work, spinning the bottle in off-time, wondering why foreigners hate rootbeer, drinking a good Heffeweiss, admiring men who can catch-gut-scale their own fish, baiting the hook and casting a line, making things out of paper mache', using body lotion, winking, wrapping presents, striving to be a better person, being sorry that I am not a bitch, giving advice, loving this godforsaken planet and its inhabitants in spite of itself/ourselves, collecting as little as possible, being sentimental without the help of objects, being objective, making friends in strange surroundings, openly admitting that I am imperfect, making vanilla flavored pancakes, packing boxes, doing laundry, pretending that I am more complicated than I am, surprising people with how complex I really am, crying quietly, laughing uncontrollably, finding other peoples lost objects, writing letters, painting rooms with a faux finish, programming NPR into as many radio presets as possible, accepting that I am Ameri-centric, being sorry that I have traveled less than I'd like to, being glad that I have traveled as much as I have, being spontaneous, sewing when needed, wanting more out of life and tring to get it, offering one of my Altoids, attracting swarthy-looking foriegn men, pretending to know better, doggy-paddling in open water, making it up as I go, going up as I make it, trying to hard, over analyzing, hating Warhhol for being right, loving Picasso for being diverse and not being ashamed that that might sound predictable, giving books away after I have read them, being a voyeur on this website but being to shy to contact most of the people who intrigue me, being frustrated that the interesting men seem to be sooooo far away from my small berg, finding culture in surprising places, eating at mom and pop restaurants, filling in the gaps of my odd life, trying to decide who I will be in 20 years, just being who I am in the meantime, remembering who I was when I was younger, throwing minor hissy fits when life is frustrating, compromising in a relationship, cleaning out my car on a regular basis but not washing it, keeping to many odds and ends in my trunk, carrying a small purse, wearing minimal makeup, being a girly-girl, holding a grudge against the second and third grade teachers that gave me math-phobia, wondering if shallow people are happier than me, considering that a head injury might do me some good if it made me a simpleton, catching the small jokes in the Simpsons, aware of the fact that overly muscular men are a turn-off, never caring if my socks match, walking and running in high heels, refusing to blindly follow fashion, recommending books, waiting for someone to tip me off on a good read, not gambling for money, curious to know if anyone out there will be bored enough to read all of this and realize that I am being totally honest and dead serious, thinking that the glass is neither half full nor half empty-but that the glass just "is" AND the glass just "isn't".
The first things people usually notice about me
I'm creative. I am naturally kind in my approach to the world. I have unusually pale eyes. I think too much for my own good sometimes. I'm an idealist in a typically unjust world.
Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
All lists are in random order, what I am up for depends on my mood. If you see something we have in common on these lists and want to suggest something new, message me. If you see something you know nothing about and are curious, message me too-I'm not a snob.

a) Fiction of all sorts. I belong to a website called http://www.bookcrossing.com. Do I really have to pick some titles? Fine, be that way: Wicked, The Lovely Bones, The Life of Pi, Searching for Hassan, A Confederacy of Dunces, Fahrenheit 451, Slaughterhouse Five, Skinny Legs and All, Still Life with Woodpecker, Dune, Sphere, The Metamorphosis, The Illuminatus! Trilogy, The Education of Little Tree, Speed of Light, The Handmaid's Tale, The Stranger, The Jungle, The Great Gatsby, etc...

b) Young Frankenstien, Harold and Maude, American Beauty, Life is Beautiful, Crouching Tiger Hidden Dragon, Blue Velvet, Dead Alive, Walk the Line, The 6th Sense, Delicatessen, Blade Runner (directors cut, no voice overs please!), Johnny Stickino, The Princess Bride, LA Story, Better Off Dead, Frakenhooker,Dead Man, Being John Malcovich, the (real ;p) first three Star Wars, Logan's Run, The Elephant Man (David Lynch version), anything Monty Python, etc.
-I like a "good-bad" movie every now and again, as much as like the artsy ones. Subtitles are fine by me.

c) Anything that I won't hear on the radio 'til I'm sick of it. I love American roots music (bluegrass, blues, big band, swing, non-sleepy-jazz), classic rock and roll, and world music. I like my country old-timey, I like my blues gritty, my rock and roll guitar heavy, and wolrd music drum-driven. I openly admit to liking polka and lounge. I enjoy a wide range of noisy electronic music. I like punk from the era when it was still under-produced and recorded by musically challenged, angry people. I stopped listening to commercial radio sometime in the early 80's. A rattled off list: Autechre, Aphex Twin, Skinny Puppy, Miles Davis, Jim White, Tom Waits, Muddy Waters, Nina Simone, Dean Martin, Buckwheat Zydeco, Souixsie and the Banshees, The Creatures, T-Bone Walker, John Lee Hooker, Kodo, Zakir Hussian, The Moog Cookbook, The Six Fat Dutchmen, Hank Williams Sr, Wolfsheim,Coil,Johnny Cash, Peter Murphy, Foetus, 242, Medeski Martin and Wood, Cab Calloway, Plasmatics, Gene Autry, Orbital, John Coltrane, Sarah Vaughn, Dead Kennedy's...and many, many more.

d) If I cook, it is usually simple and typically Americanized. If I eat out I love adventure: sushi, Indian food, Thai. I love being surprised by flavor and will try most food at least once. I love spicy food-give me a jalapeno to eat and watch me smile and reach for more. Having grown up in the Midwest, I am not a huge fan of seafood. So far as I can tell it has to be cooked just right to appeal to my palate. If I had a last meal to order, it would have to include a banana and popcorn-seriously.
Six things I could never do without
1) art supplies
2) road trips (I love roadside attractions! Americana! Hoorah!)
3) coffee
4) books
5) music
6) hope

Ok, the last one is contrived...but it's that or list the blatant--water, oxygen, food, sex...blah de blah blah
I spend a lot of time thinking about
The nature of human existence, the mystery of the universe/God (NOT limited to the Judeo-Christian or Muslim perspective), the why-how-what of anything that catches my interest, that creating (art, literature, music, kids) is just humankind's way of trying to cheat death.

When I get to grumpy about living in an imperfect world I like to read books about dystopian societies. A Brave New Wolrd by Aldos Huxley is always a good shot in the arm-it's frighteningly insightful. Thankfully, I still believe that America is teetering in between the Civilized and the Savage.
On a typical Friday night I am
at home reading...lame but true...I am not a drinker by nature and avoid bars most weekends. I like to go out and socialize but hate being drunk or feeling out of control. If I do go to a bar it is more likely to be divey than fancy; I outgrew big clubs when I was 22. I would rather hang out and have coffee or a flavorful beer and talk without shouting.
The most private thing I’m willing to admit
I'm as riddled with flaws as any human being and don't expect to ever stop growing or learning.

I miss the following about Chicago: the food; people think that "eye-talian" and Chinese food are exotic where I live now. Hearing 10 languages in 10 mins of walking. I miss the choices of transportation in Chi...walk, el, bus, car. I miss the easy access to original live music, as well as the variety of theater and art.
-I don't miss the high cost of living or the difficult parking. I still don't know if I'll move back when I finish college.

If I could wake up with the vast knowledge and skill at one instrument tomorrow, it would be the accordion. Laugh if you will, yet it is one of the most versatile instruments and it never needs tuning, thus making it one of the most popular instruments worldwide. Poor ol' accordion...not appreciated enough, by so many people.
You should message me if
You're as bored as I am with meeting people in conventional ways (bars, fix-ups) and/or too shy to walk up to people in person at random places.

If you aren't offended that I've answered so many of the questions for matches and taken so many of those ridiculous tests; it snowed a lot here recently and I have been rather bored to say the least. I also spent some time reading them off to one of my best friends, while we laughed a good streak about how inane they are.

Because I dare you to be so brave!
The two of us