I own a huge villa right on the Iowa coast, and in the summers I sail a trireme to Montana, where I pillage and plunder. This is where all of my gold came from. I seek a sturdy woman who does not speak, to darn my socks and bear me 16 large children. Arrr. We will purchase many sheep, and roam the land as shepherd nomads. We will have a dog named Ralph Waldo Emerson, and he will herd both the sheep and our children. We will live in mud huts in the winter, and survive on grubs.
OK, probably not ... but if you're still reading, maybe you share my goofy sense of humor and attention span. If you're cursing me out right now instead for my privileged, chauvinistic pig-ignorance ... well, consider how I began this sentence, and based on that, what sort of irony you may have missed out on recently. :)
I'm an easy-going, big-hearted man with a silly streak and an abnormal degree of curiosity. I have a steady job I really enjoy, and a strong tendency to say *exactly* what I really mean - not "blunt" honesty like saying shitty things to people without conscience, but just the regular, not-being-deceitful kind. Sometimes I pick my nose, make disgusting noises, and fail at organization. I laugh hard at fart jokes. I can be sort of gullible. Despite years of trying really hard to understand what makes it so important, I still have a near complete lack of curiosity about what's fashionable. These things are unlikely to change in your lifetime.
I'm on this website because I'm an introvert (INFP) - not because I'm selling low. I treat people well (lovers in particular), but will vanish in a puff of smoke if you are too selfish to return the favor.
The motto "work hard, play hard" is popular these days. I think it makes life sound like some sort of uninspired competition. Meh. Anybody down for some inspired cooperation instead? Work and play (not mutually exclusive) are just things we do. I see life itself as more like a stroll through the woods. My goals in life mostly revolve around impacts (e.g. a few young minds growing up to be slightly happier and better citizens of the world) or experiences (e.g. fatherhood, publishing a novel) I want to have, and tend not to include many details about which specific things I wish to own or be seen doing along the way.
I stay in shape (run, swim, bike, weights, ball sports), because I only get to have just this one body. I'm not one of those workout addicts, but I would love to share a physically active, healthy lifestyle with my partner. Would really love to bring someone with me to RAGBRAI this year.
Please be quirky, real, free-spirited, self-aware, kind, conscientious, and trustworthy.
Feminism is quite welcome. I don't care at all what color you are.
*Please have a tendency toward vulnerability, earnest gratitude, and genuine remorse.*
If you can't/don't reliably do these things as appropriate, then you probably don't treat people very well. Stupid relationships from my 20's taught me lots of great things in my 30's, but I think I'll look for wisdom elsewhere from here on out, thanks.
Please have a good nature and an imagination.
Please like big, tall, fuzzy guys. I go 6'5”/245, and I'm not waxing my chest, even if you say please with sugar on top.
I'm always reading at least 3-4 books, have a huge appetite for a wide range of music, and love any show or movie with good writing and acting (especially cartoons). I absolutely loathe reality TV, and won't watch it. Yes, all of it. It's horrible. I wish Andy Warhol's latter-day empire of cynicism would choose a different planet to befoul already. We just elected it president, so there really isn't much left for it to recklessly dismantle anyway; maybe it will take advantage of NASA and finally leave out of abject boredom.
Infinite Jest (David Foster Wallace), Tremendous Trifles (G. K. Chesterton), Aristotle in Outline (Tim Robinson), Mao (Chang and Halliday), Change: Principles of Problem Formation and Problem Resolution (Paul Watzlawick), After Virtue: A Study in Moral Theory (Alasdair MacIntyre)
I love good satire: Terry Pratchett, Douglas Adams, Joseph Heller, Kurt Vonnegut, G.K. Chesterton, Neal Stephenson, Carl Hiaasen, Mark Twain. Want to get into P.G. Wodehouse next. David Foster Wallace will probably make this list.
Also love Neil Gaiman (just the novels), John Fowles, Paolo Coelho.
Change (Watzlawick); The Way of the Superior Man (Deida); Iron John (Bly); The Heart of Zen (Kelly); every single volume of Course of Theoretical Physics by Lev Landau; Guns, Germs, and Steel (Diamond); How to See Yourself as You Really Are (The Dalai Lama)
Whitman, cummings, Neruda, Hafiz, Oliver ... in addition to my own stuff.
The Mexican, Up, The Big Lebowski, Will Ferrell movies, Youth in Revolt, Tropic Thunder, Team America, Idiocracy, Blazing Saddles, The Life of Brian, Snatch, Zombieland, Groundhog Day, Army of Darkness, Kung Fury, When Harry Met Sally, absolutely anything with John Cusack, Fight Club, Dead Poet Society, Immortal Beloved, Kevin Costner baseball movies (esp. Bull Durham), etc., etc., and etc.
Venture Brothers, Adventure Time, Danger Mouse, Aqua Teen Hunger Force, the Tick (greatest cartoon ever), Archer, Homestar Runner, Peep Show, Big Bang Theory, documentaries, sporting events, West Wing, Firefly, Red Dwarf, Fawlty Towers, Battlestar Galactica (the newer one). Oh, and I largely don't watch TV.
Days of the New, Harry Chapin, Faith No More, Audioslave, Cake, Jurassic 5, Beethoven, Mozzart, Vivaldi, Bach, Prince, Slipknot, Counting Crows, Outkast, Oingo Boingo, Talking Heads, Ani DiFranco, The Prodigy, Old Crow Medicine Show, Tom Waits, Johnny Cash, Megadeth, Merle Haggard, just about anything grungy *besides Smashing Pumpkins*, Metallica, The Dixie Chicks, Regina Spektor, Pantera, Evanescence, The Grateful Dead, Guster, the Beatles, The Rolling Stones, The Doors, Tori Amos, Guns 'n' Roses, Kate Bush, Jack Johnson, The John Butler Trio, Tenacious D, Primus, The Indigo Girls, Avenged Sevenfold, Tom Petty, Flobots, The Beastie Boys, late-80s/90s Madonna, "Weird Al" Yankovic, The Urge, Korn, Michael Jackson, The Black Keys, Willie Nelson, The White Stripes, Hendrix, Zeppelin, KMFDM, Beck, Stevie Ray Vaughan, Traveling Willburys, Queens of the Stone Age, R.E.M., Muse, etc., etc., etc. (etc.)
Can't stand artless pop like Katy Perry (or however that's spelled), which invariably causes me to grieve the undignified death of rock and roll.
I like everything except sweet potatoes, hazelnuts, and olives, and I adore strawberries.