39 Baltimore, United States
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My self-summary
hey girl

I'm not like the other boys

I'm not a boy

(or a girl)

agender soft butch, attracted primarily to women and femmes. singular-they pronouns, mx.-as-title, somewhat-neutral identifiers (person, cat, beast, creature, babe). it is okay to forget or misspeak sometimes, I do too (about myself).

I identify strongly with hedgehogs, porcupines, Toby Ziegler, Ruby (of Ruby and Sapphire) and other small things with strong outer defenses and a soft cuddly underbelly. I believe in a strong public sector, that love is a thing that expands the more you use it, and that black lives matter. I distrust unexamined motives, unregulated markets, and under-seasoned food. there are other things I believe in, but I'm trying, though obviously not trying very hard, to keep this pithy.

what agender (as opposed to bigender or pangender) means to me (today) is that I'm a little bit of one and a little more of the other and carry trace elements of all but mostly I'm none at all. gender is a performance and I dislike singing for my supper. the traits I value in others and try to develop in myself (e.g. competence, compassion, resilience, vulnerability) don't carry gendered weight, they're just my go-to tools for navigating the world.

my point is: I am a catch.

keywords: nerdy; queer; enby/non-binary (they/them pronouns please); poly/solo poly/open
What I’m doing with my life
at the age of thirty-eight, I just bought a house in Baltimore and moved away from the Maryland suburbs of Washington, DC, where I grew up. it’s not very far away, relatively speaking, but: I never went to college. I never even went to sleepaway camp. and, making it even weirder for me, I still work in DC, though I’m less and less sure I want to keep that up. so it’s weird and a little scary.

right now I mostly go to work and unpack boxes and make my house the way I want it to be, which has been made more difficult than expected due to the actions of rogue plumbers, recalcitrant contractors, and a leaky roof.
I’m really good at
food (giving, receiving); banter (giving, receiving, watching); ridiculous hats and other headgear (receiving, wearing)
The first things people usually notice about me
unselfconsciously fat, cute, sweaty, and/or food-stained on a good day; self-consciously so on a bad day; way cuter than my already pretty cute photos would indicate every day; bartender/clergyface (i.e. "tell me your life story and/or problems"-face)

(people tell me I have pretty lips and eyelashes)
Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
I remain skeptical of all things regressive and nostalgic, says the creature whose bookshelves resemble those of a teenager with remarkably catholic tastes circa 1994 (whom is me).

nb: this obviously isn't everything I'm into, and we don't have to have all of these things in common, or even most of these things. I like what I like, but it's just stuff, it's not the hill I'll die on. I want to learn about new things from you, and I like it when you're open to learning about new things from me. it would probably help if you eat as indiscriminately as I eat and don't automatically count a book out if it's got an elf or a spaceship or a space elf on the cover, or a movie or TV show if it's animated or got subtitles.

books: Iain M. Banks; Jack Vance; Jo Walton; Ursula K. LeGuin; Lois McMaster Bujold; Catherynne M. Valente; Kim Newman; Sofia Samatar; my Goodreads;

comics: Love and Rockets; Usagi Yojimbo; Finder; see above Goodreads link (but also? ask me what I'm reading!);

movies: Better Off Dead; Pump Up The Volume; Bring It On; Captain America (1 & 2); Chungking Express;

shows: Kamen Rider Fourze; Steven Universe (see aforementioned ugly crying); Supergirl;

music: The Mountain Goats; Godspeed You! Black Emperor; Kate Bush; Mogwai; Lush; Belle & Sebastian; Tom Waits; Nick Cave; PJ Harvey; Asobi Seksu; my;

food: Korean; Japanese; Ethiopian; Indian; Chinese; Vietnamese; Thai; Mediterranean; Middle Eastern; I'm experimenting with going vegetarian/vegan with a side of meat, but really I'm joyously omnivorous, and even the things I don't like I try to try a couple few times before I decide whether or not I like it. even if I don't like it in the end, I get a good idea of why people appreciate it. except for aspic. I don't understand aspic, at all.


games: Tokaido; worker placement games; 13th Age; Over the Edge; most Legends of Zelda; Chrono Trigger; Civilization;

podcasts: Selected Shorts; Ken and Robin Talk About Stuff; Welcome to Night Vale;

some things I'm gonna judge you for: Ayn Rand; the Big Bang Theory; "everything except rap and country"; non-medical aversion to vegetables; I'm-not-feminist-because-I-believe-in-equality; #gamergate
The six things I could never do without
late-night Korean;
books with elves, spaceships, or space elves;
dental hygiene;
reliable hydration;
the option of a proper command line;
wet wipes, tbh
I spend a lot of time thinking about
rotary sushi bars and all-you-can-eat Korean bbq and doro wat with injera and really hot curries and half-smokes and jumbo slice and ramen and phô and dim sum and soup dumplings

(but not all at once);

how to live more gently in an increasingly hostile world;

how do I gender (specifically, how do I agender);

games of many kinds (though I stg I'm not A Gamer);

self-assertion as an act of vulnerability;

vulnerability as an act of self-assertion;

being single & non-monogamous at an age where many of my contemporaries, even non-monogamous contemporaries, have paired off. you wouldn't think "side piece in perpetuity" to look at me, and yet. (not that I'm not eminently qualified for the position.)
On a typical Friday night I am
stalking the elusive chocodile
The most private thing I’m willing to admit
I'm often afraid, but I always manage to power through;

I don't know how to celebrate holidays, including my own birthday;

I have never eaten a chocodile, and now it seems unlikely that I ever will;

there is a reference to another website in this profile, and while that website is, itself, highly problematic, if you get the reference, it may be indicative of some of my predilections. I deleted my account, though;

my name sans hyphen dot tumblr dot com, the content of which is also indicative of some of my predilictions;

shrooms changed/saved my life once, but only once (the other times were mostly unmemorable);

I live with and help care for a dear friend (nb: not a romantic or sexual partner) who has chronic pain/fatigue issues and literally no other means of support. she can't work and has to go to a lot of doctors. SSI disability case pending. this doesn't mean I can't go do fun stuff ever, but it does mean I have unavoidable time commitments that take top priority, much like having a disabled romantic partner or disabled adult child. fortunately, these commitments are usually during business hours, but please consider carefully whether or not this is going to be a problem for you;

on some days -- good days -- my socks and underwear match.
You should message me if
your schedule is weird but flexible;

your relationship timeline resembles a fractal or, at the very least, the Caves of Chaos or other old-school dungeon map;

same for your relationship hierarchy;

you're in town for a few days and you want to nerd it up over fancy drinks and see where it goes;

your idea of an excellent first (and frequent subsequent) date involves lots of small plates, thrifting, and/or bookstores;

you're broke or frugal and you want to hang out, get some delivery or takeout, watch movies &/or tv, and play tabletop &/or video games;

you believe that existence is naturally unfair and thus have little to no interest in preserving nature or acting naturally in that respect;

you have chocodiles and are willing to share;

you like the idea of being commitment-phobic together;

you want a new favorite side piece;

you want a mix tape.

keywords: nerdy; queer; femme; androgynous; enby/non-binary; solo poly; chocodiles