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Their result for The Badass Test ...


78% Badass: 58% Ass-kickery, 86% Skill, 70% Sense.

You're so close to total badassery! All that's lacking is lethal force. You're probably a pretty rocking person, up to most situations and cool-headed in any extremity. Call me when the End Times come; it's the least you could do.

So to get truly badass, you just need to know how to kill a fucker dead. Stone dead. Stone cold dead. Coldstone dead. Coldstone's is some fucking delicious ice-cream, I tell you.

But we were talking about you. Muscles and hotties, that's all you need to round out your badass self. You can do it!

If you liked my test, rate it. Real badasses leave ratings.

Their Analysis (Vertical line = Average)

  • Ass-kickery Distribution

    They scored 58% on Ass-kickery, higher than 66% of your peers.

  • Badassery Distribution

    They scored 78% on Badassery, higher than 89% of your peers.

  • Skills Distribution

    They scored 86% on Skills, higher than 92% of your peers.

  • Sense Distribution

    They scored 70% on Sense, higher than 86% of your peers.

All possible test results

Complete Failure

Physical: Sub-par. Skill set: Minimal. Common sense: Que? You're the kind of utter incompetent who'll tell bad jokes, get lost on his way to the same bathroom twice in a row, throw his back ... Read more


You can't run a marathon or play the lute, but at least you know when not to try. You've got an average-good head on your shoulders. Unfortunately, because of this you don't seem to take many risks ... Read more


You're the type who'd hide under the bed rather than face the world. Hey, if it keeps you alive, that's usually good enough. It's the only reliable indicator of success in the end -- and everybody f... Read more


You've got some life skills, but not much else. Stay out of fights and keep your head down; you've got no common sense. Think twice -- hell, think three times or more before you speak or act. You'r... Read more


Nowadays, physical skill isn't in so much demand. You're equipped to deal with our day-to-day existence, with the ability to cook a meal and the know-how to keep your hands away from the stove... Read more


Who needs muscles? Or, you know, dates? They can be scary. You've got an overload of sense without the physical and emotional confidence to back it up -- which means you end up never taking any ris... Read more

Napoleon Dynamite

Well done, you've got all the skills you need. But you're utterly weak and unprepossessing, and you haven't an ounce of old-fashioned horse sense. Keep runnin' the way you're going and somebo... Read more


Basically, you're this guy. Look at the mutton chops and the neckbeard. Look at how he's reading a book about the Internet. Let's call him Stan. You don't want to be Stan, do you? You want... Read more


All the miscellaneous knowledge you need to survive in the world, and the sense to survive all its extraordinary obstacles. But physically? You're McDonald's hotsauce packets in a land of wasabi. ... Read more


No skills. No sense. But a little bit of muscle. Your problem is you're not thinking big. Badasses take big bites out of life. And when life says, "Hey! Don't bite me!" badasses look life... Read more


You haven't got the skills, but you've got the basic sense and physicality to pick your battles and win them. That's vital for badasses. You've got a lot of potential. Instead of coming at this fro... Read more


You know when to keep your head down, and you can probably get out of the tough spots you find yourself in. But you have no skill. Learn things, or you'll be a flop at parties and unlikely to... Read more

Mediocre Hothead

You can't find your way out of a paper bag, but you could probably fight your way out, or set fire to it with sticks. This is a dangerous place to be, my friend. You've got the basic prerequi... Read more

Novice Badass

You've got the brains, the brawn, and the skill set to make your way through life rather passably. With a little luck, you'll go on to make real inroads in the field of personal awesomeness. You're ... Read more


You know what you're doing. Though you might not have the skills or brawn to back you up in every situation, you can recognize those situations and avoid them. This is an extremely solid plac... Read more


You got some fight in you, and a lot of necessary badass skills. But you are utterly clueless. You are going to get yourself killed, and knowing how to dance is not going to save you, sonny-b... Read more


With your high Skills score, you can get a lot of things done, and your average Ass-kickery and Sense means that the things you get done are probably not going to end in your hideous, disfigured death... Read more


You're so close to total badassery! All that's lacking is lethal force. You're probably a pretty rocking person, up to most situations and cool-headed in any extremity. Call me when the End Times c... Read more


You're a complete moron, like an idiot savant of savage beatings. You've got no life skills and no sense, but you've got the small head and thick neck popular in the pro wrestling circuit. Pleas... Read more

Thoughtful Mongo

Few skills, but you at least recognize that when the job interviewer chooses your opponent for the position, it might be unwise to punch him in the throat. Expand your horizons, and you'll be on ... Read more

Returning Soldier

Good sense and great physical skill...but none of the errata that'll really help you through the tough spots. I don't know what you've been doing all these years. Living alone in a cave, eatin' frog... Read more

Armed Smartass

Someday you will get your head shoved in a toilet by someone even more gung-ho then you, because you have no judgement. I think this picture of Hunter S. Thompson waving a pistol around while flyi... Read more

Physical Badass

You're close to badassery, especially with your physical skills. Like this woman, you are hot and can perhaps shoot a machine gun on an SUV. Maybe you also eat rocks for breakfast. But you need t... Read more


With a wider repertoire, you will be prime badass material. As it is, you're a great compadre in a fight, and unlikely to lose your head--but you need to be more of a Jack-or-Jill-of-all-trade... Read more

Hotshot Dumbass

This is perhaps the most dangerous place to be among aspirants to badassery. All the physical and mental prerequisites, with none of the governing force of an even temperament. You're certain to get... Read more

Frickin' Close!

You're not the perfect badass. For that you need to be a little more mature, be able to pick your battles and deal with failure and success. As it is, though, you're nearly there! You've got... Read more

The Total Badass

Congratulations. What can I say? You have achieved the near-Zen level of awesome that is Total Badassery. Combat skills, romantic aptitude, capability in any situation, and above all, the moderat... Read more

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