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Their result for The Future Life Fuckability Test ...

The Lost

You scored 0% Wealth, 0% Intelligence, 0% Attractiveness, and 0% Sexual Prowess!

Wow. Not only are you living it up in this life, but you don't seem to care very much for the plight of others. Your utter lack of concern for the trials of other humans coupled with your enormous success have led the Flying Spaghetti Monster to relegate you to the lowest of possible categories in your next life. You will be lucky to live the life of a eunuch at the Playboy Mansion, and that's if you're still worthy of coming back as a human. My advice to you is to live it up while you can, because there's not much waiting for you the next time around! In the final analysis, you will be the legendary unfuckable, so hideously without redeeming quality that your name will be used to scare children away from sexual activity during puberty. This life may be a 10 out of 10 for you, but the next one is going to be a big, fat, 0!

Their Analysis (Vertical line = Average)

  • Wealth Distribution

    They scored 0% on Wealth, higher than 1% of your peers.

  • Intelligence Distribution

    They scored 0% on Intelligence, higher than 1% of your peers.

  • Attractiveness Distribution

    They scored 0% on Attractiveness, higher than 1% of your peers.

  • Sexual Prowess Distribution

    They scored 0% on Sexual Prowess, higher than 1% of your peers.

All possible test results

The Lost

Wow. Not only are you living it up in this life, but you don't seem to care very much for the plight of others. Your utter lack of concern for the trials of other humans coupled with your enormous s... Read more


Congratulations, Droogie! This life has offered you much in the way of wealth, intelligence, and even physical attractiveness oh my brother, but somehow you were just never the popular one with your ... Read more

The Porcelain Vase

Utterly useless other than for looks, you will roam through your next life without any joy other than the knowledge that you will be beautiful. This may appear to be a small comfort when that beauty ... Read more

The Concubine

Sexually dominant and stunningly beautiful, yet sold into slavery and dumb as a pile of rocks, you will be the concubine, a person so devoted to looks and sexuality that nothing else will seem to matt... Read more

Struggling Artist

You will be the intellectual light of future generations; unfortunately, I'm not talking about the future generation of your future lifetime. Indeed, you will contribute mightily to any field of ende... Read more

The Session Drummer

You will have the brains, but not the money. You'll be able to score without looking like Brad Pitt. You will be The Session Drummer. Tagging along for a lifetime might be restful. You'll have eve... Read more

The Cyberslut!

Sitting in front of your computer into the wee hours of the morning, you will use your brilliance and looks to woo others until their hearts are yours for the breaking. Sadly, you will do nothing use... Read more

The Houseguest

Some people just skate through life, and you're going to be one of those. You'll never have anything of your own, but you'll be smart and attractive enough (with a lot of charm, no less) to get the t... Read more

The Fop

Get ready to be born into a life of wealth and priveledge. A life in which you will need only beckon, and every desire will be fulfilled, except any physical/emotional desire that you might have. Yo... Read more

The Heir/Heiress

Rich and loud, stupid and slutty, successful (for reasons that are well beyond my understanding) and arrogant, you will be The Heir or The Heiress. Sounds like fun, doesn't it? Somehow you're going ... Read more

The Pop Star

You'll be sweet and innocent (or at least you'll appear that way!), but not the brainiest kid on the block. More like a New Kid on the Block (excluding Wahlberg). You're going to make it big in some... Read more

The Debutante

Heir to a fortune, bred for beauty, trained in sex, and schooled in submissiveness, you will be The Debutante. Anyone not looking to date a genius is going to want you, and they’re going to want you... Read more

The Geek God

Bonus! If you can name the man depicted in the sculpture below, I’ll buy you ice cream. What a brain! What wealth! It’s a shame about the pimples, Geek God. You will live a very successful life... Read more

The Cult Leader

Powerful. Brilliant. Financially set. You will be the Cult Leader. Despite your low score on Attractiveness, or perhaps because of this, you will find it easy to approach people and to persuade th... Read more

The Teacher's Pet

Some would call you the American Dream, but since you’re 24 times more likely to live this life or your next life outside of the United States, I’ll call it The Teacher’s Pet. Don’t worry, it sti... Read more

The Warrior Poet

Some people have it all. Money, brains, looks, and personality. Congratulations on your next life, O Warrior Poet. The idea of the warrior poet, or renaissance man/woman, is that one person combine... Read more

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