The What's Your Major Malfunction (in Bed) Test
Their result for The What's Your Major Malfunction (in Bed) Test ...
35% Climax, 70% Carnality, 81% Control, 19% Caution
"Featherstone, could you see yourself kneeling behind me with a sawfish and thrusting it into my rectum yelling 'WHO'S THE MAN, WHO'S THE MAN'? Because that's currently the only way I can achieve even a glimmer of sexual satisfaction." –Herr Starr, Preacher
Dear, dear, dear. It certainly isn't easy being Herr Starr. Eros seems to enjoy coming by and taking you down a peg every so often. He gifted you with great sexual sophistication, but left you without a good outlet for your desires. Ah, shit. Guess there's only one thing to do: assassinate your boss, amass an army and start a world takeover.
But WAIT! We're going on the strength of the many-fish principle, remember? Besides, that sawfish was hyperbole; unlike Starr in the Preacher series, you have working equipment between your legs. No, in reality the main problem tends to be that you've become a little reliant on your hands and your tools (and perhaps on your porn?), making you a difficult person to satisfy.
You've brought your mighty intellect to bear on this problem, displacing some of your libido onto the mental aspects of sex. You probably enjoy holding your partner down, causing discomfort, maybe talking some trash. Carnal and submissive types, including The Steed and The Evil Genius, often get a real kick out of this. Just try not to lose sight entirely of the fact that others may find you scary as shit domineering.
Their Analysis (Vertical line = Average)
They scored 35% on Climax, higher than 7% of your peers.
They scored 70% on Carnality, higher than 73% of your peers.
They scored 81% on Control, higher than 95% of your peers.
They scored 19% on Caution, higher than 1% of your peers.
More tests we think you'll like
Taken 81938 times.
Hi! And welcome to my Humane Sexuality Test. I'll be using advanced theory and research to determine how sexually open, educated and just plain weird ...
Taken 1758 times.
Find out witch of Divergent faction you belong.
Taken 10775 times.
Hi! I'll be asking questions regarding the automotive cultural set u fit into. Also whether you are more speed/power oriented or more appearnce orien...
Taken 9418 times.
How much U.S. History do you really know? Do you remember the things your teachers taught you? Do you pay attention when reading newspapers or watching the news?
Taken 20617 times.
Find out if I think teaching high school is the right career for you! Keep in mind, it's only my personal opinion. This test will be based on me, basically.
Taken 10091 times.
What is your knowledge of Famous Movie Quotes?
Taken 728 times.
Hey internet fiends! Hopefully, most people taking this test are familiar with the popular online comic Bob and George, if not, check it out at http:...
Taken 53147 times.
Hi! And welcome to my dumbest Test. I'll be using no logic and little knowledge to determine something.
Taken 7135 times.
Hi! And welcome to my runescape Test. I'll be using advanced logic and knowledge to determine your true nature.
Taken 3695 times.
Hi! And welcome to my Progressive Rock music Test. I'll be using advanced logic and knowledge to determine if this music appeals to your tastes and yo...
Connect your existing OkCupid account
Restore your account to continue meeting new people.
Reset your password
We’ll email you a link to reset it.
An email is on its way to .
If you don’t see it, try checking your Spam folder.
Enter Authentication Code
Not so fast!
You need to complete your basic info on the mobile app before you can use the desktop site.