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Senile Senior

Sure, slide into forgetful dementia as you continue to be a burden on the national economy and you vote for morons out of fear of the future.

All possible test results

Anal Neat Freak

You can't control everything, you prissy little queen. Read more

Southern Redneck

Hey, hillbilly trash -- y'all leave your cousins alone, hear? Also quit lynching folk in the name of Jesus. Read more

Yuppie Scum

If you had an iota of self-awareness, you would be very sorry on your deathbed. He who dies with the most toys . . . is dead. Read more

Muscle Queen

Your obsessive vanity only slightly masks your gaping hole of unlovable insecurity. What do you really need to lift? Read more

Christian Bitch

Being ignorant, jingoistic, and violent will not get you into heaven. The world will change whether you like it or not. Read more

Cat Lady

All of your "fur people" would eat you if they could. And honestly, they're a poor, pathetic replacement for the man who never entered your life. Read more

Diner Waitress

Ooh, we've made some bad choices in life, haven't we? Read more


One day, you will cease to be cute, and your soap bubble of a life will pop. Strive to cling to your mindless, beautiful youth -- desperate primping is so adorable. Read more

Drunken Irishman

You're not nearly as charming as you think you are when you're crying into your beer. Just because you're aware of your terrible failures does not excuse them. Read more

Asian Seductress

Your wily ancient Chinese secrets will not save you from an untimely and violent end. Read more

Jewish Princess

What's the difference between Jello and a JAP? Jello quivers when you eat it. Plus your voice can cut glass. Read more

Sports Dick

Why can't you understand that the accomplishments of your state's sports teams have absolutely nothing to do with you? No matter whether your favorite team wins or loses, you're still a loser. Read more

Jolly Fatso

About as funny as a heart attack . . . or adult onset diabetes. You know what's really funny? You in a thong. Read more

Bull Dyke

That blindly stubborn agression doesn't work for men, either. You're so afraid of your own femininity that wearing a dress becomes a political statement. Read more

Japanese Schoolgirl

Hee-hee-hee, you think you are the arbiter of the world's cultural currency but your existence is entirely soulless. Enjoy your girlhood while it lasts -- soon you will be subjected to the iron will ... Read more


Yes, the brutish macho posturing is sexy, but everyone sneers at your combination of stupidity and violence. Also, please lay off the cologne. Read more

Black Nerd

You're a nasty counter-stereotype designed to mock the vestigal intellectual ambitions of the subjugated classes. Read more


If you don't get shot or knifed, you will end up a sad fat man with too many children who makes less than $20,000 annually. Read more

Uncle Tom

You perpetuate the myth that black people are happy and satisfied with their servile status in American culture. We all know that you secretly want to kill whitey. Read more

Mexican Whore

Yes, your fiery Latina thighs have inspired many drunken poets, but you will end up being strangled in an alley. Read more

Senile Senior

Sure, slide into forgetful dementia as you continue to be a burden on the national economy and you vote for morons out of fear of the future. Read more

Gang Banger

Your macho deeds are glorified on the streets, but the jails are full of you and your brothers, imprisoned for peddling drugs to children and perpetuating violence against your own kind. Read more

Fat Black Woman

Your earth mother iconography barely disguises your failures as a parental disciplinarian, your intellectual laxity, your reactionary politics, and your high blood pressure. Read more

Rock Ho

My, we've made some bad choices, haven't we, dearie? Read more

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