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Their result for The Could you survive in London Test ...

Your chance of survival in London is 44%

I hope you had fun doing this test - obviously the British are walking it. Now that the test has been live for 24hrs I can see that my countrymen and women are all getting 100%.

For the rest of you, the correct answers to the questions are shown below. I'd recommend you visit the very funny (and crude at times) site shown below if you want to learn more about British slang. Or you could take my advanced "Could you survive in London" test. Some of the expressions in general use are disgusting and not very politically correct, but we're like that here in the UK!



1. I meet you at the airport. You have had a long flight and I say, "You must be cream crackered?" What do I mean?
I am asking if you are tired
Knackered is British slang for tired. Knackered = Cream crackered (Rhyming slang)

2. I say to you, "Let's get a sherbet dab". What do I mean?
I am suggesting getting a taxi
Sherbert dab = Cab (Rhyming slang)

3. I then tell you that we need to go up that "Frog and toad". What do I mean?
I am saying we need to walk up the road
Frog and toad = road (Rhyming slang)

4. You have decided to stay and have found a job. Your colleague says "Dog and bone for you?" What does he mean?
You are wanted on the phone
Dog and bone = phone (Rhyming slang)

5. You are told that a colleague isn't at work today because he has "The two bob bits?" What does this mean?
He has diarrhoea
Two bob bits = shits (Rhyming slang)

6. Your boss tells you to get something for him, saying "It's down the apple and pears?" What does he mean?
Go downstairs
Apples and pears = Stairs (Rhyming slang)

7. He then goes on to complain about the "Trouble and strife" at home. What is he talking about?
His wife
Trouble and strife = wife (Rhyming slang)

8. Another colleague says, "Well if everyone is away this weekend, why don't you come out dogging with me and the boys?" What does he mean?
He is suggesting meeting swingers in an open space for group sex
Dogging is a term used by swingers for sexual exhibitionism in open spaces such as a park or carpark. A couple might have sex while doggers watch - onlookers may be invited to join in. Many people associate this term with male homosexual activity, but it ain't always necessarily so. Dogging is a British phenomenon that has gained popularity in recent years. With the help of the Internet and text messaging it is spreading overseas rapidly.

9. You decide to tag along and are advised to try "figging". What does this mean?
To have raw ginger inserted into your anus
Google figging if you don't believe me!

10. I take you to meet my mother. She is complaining that her "Farmer Giles" are playing up. What is she talking about?
Her rectal piles are hurting
Farmer Giles = Piles (Rhyming slang)

11. You also get to see my skin and blister. What do I mean?
You meet my sister
Skin and blister = Sister (Rhyming slang)

12. My uncouth friends take you to the pub. One says "Check the thru'penny bits out on that?" What does he mean?
He is admiring a woman's breasts
Thru'penny bits = tits (Rhyming slang)

13. He then tells you he is going for "A pony". What is he going to do?
Go to the toilet
Pony and trap = Crap (Rhyming slang)

14. You have had a lot to drink and it's now closing time. My friends ask if you fancy a "Ruby". What do they mean?
They want to go for a curry
Ruby Murray = Curry (Rhyming slang)

15. In the restaurant my friends see an attractive women they know and suggest she joins them for a spit roast. What do they mean?
They are suggesting she allow a man to penetrate her at each end
Spit roasting is a very vulgar term for the above sexual act

16. The lady replies, "Are you having a Turkish guys?" What does she mean?
She is asking if this is a joke?
Turkish bath = laugh (Rhyming slang)

17. On the way back to mine, you are asked if you are TFTF? What does this mean?
Are you too full to make love
TFTF = To fat to fuck

18. You wake up the next day feeling sexy. I ask you, "Are you up for eating a vertical bacon sandwich with ketchup then?". What do I mean?
I am telling you I have my period
Vertical bacon sandwich is a truly disgusting expression. It is creeping into general use as slang for a woman's vagina, and I should be ashamed of myself for telling you about it. Ketchup is British slang for blood!

Their Analysis (Vertical line = Average)

  • language skills Distribution

    They scored 44% on language skills, higher than 4% of your peers.

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I hope you had fun doing this test - obviously the British are walking it. Now that the test has been live for 24hrs I can see that my countrymen and women are all getting 100%. For the rest... Read more

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