• Hi! And welcome to my Burning Dirigible of Love Test.

    This 34 question test will attempt to determine if you could ever date me based on a pseudo-scientific algorithm constructed around conciliatory thought processes and categorical elimination metrics. Which is to say, it’s sort of bullsh!t. At any rate, I’ve tried to do something that will effectively tell you and I whether or not I’d think you’d rock my socks off in the most impersonal and potentially offensive fashion I could come up with. I have no hope, whatsoever, that anyone anywhere will get anything near a perfect or even high score . . . but whatever.

    A lot of the questions have catch-all answers, as I wasn't able to manage the veriety of options I'd have idealy liked to have. So, if you run into a place where you're not entirely jiving with the available answers, select the closest one. If you do not select an answer, you're not going to get a score for that question.

    I hope you enjoy taking the long-winded pile of crap as much as I did making it. Now get on with it already!