• Welcome and well-met, lads! This test is neither an exercise in futility nor a measurement of your utility, despite OK Cupid's insistence that I explain what I am measuring and why (geez, didn't your mama ever tell you size doesn't matter?)

    This is a fun-filled diversion for the author to bandy around questions she cares about as well as an opportunity for the bold, should they be interested, to slip a hand through the membranous curtain of my mind and observe the inner horrors--or wonders, depending upon what you think of the images you are about to see--which lurk in the murky depths. To this end, it is not only the questions themselves but also a glimpse of my, uh, 'personality' (such as it is) this test affords that will be an indicator of whether you feel resonance with me.

    So synchronize your Swatches, make sure you are strapped securely to your Sherpa, watch out for Rodents of Unusual Size, and let's begin!