• Sometimes you wake up in the morning, fresh and ready to start a new day, with new challenges, new friends, new adventures.

    But sometimes you wake up in the afternoon, with a week's worth of filthy dishes scattered across your floor, the TV blaring infomercials, no messages on the machine from your so-called "friends," and a pounding headache from the six-pack of Pabst Blue Ribbon that you drank yourself to unconsciousness with, alone, last night, in your dirty underwear.

    This test is for those days.

    You're not alone. Many of us -- any of us -- have thought to ourselves, some nights, "Am I destined to live a life of worthless, ignominious misery? An eternity of lonely, zombie-like drudgery? All leading up to a diapered dotage in a nursing home, unremembered, with children who never write?"

    Well, you're here. And we're about to see how right you are.

  • If only, Jesus. If only.